Month: May 2014

Signs of a Toxic Relationship

We all desire and hope to be in a healthy relationship, not just romantically but also with those around us. Sometimes we are in these relationships so long, we don’t even realize whether or not the relationship is healthy or not. We often live life day to day without recognizing that the relationship we think is healthy is really toxic. Sometimes we live in these toxic relationships so long it becomes our “normal”. However, just because something is normal to you, it doesn’t mean it is right. Toxic relationships are poisonous, harmful, malicious, and can even cause death. There are many signs of a toxic relationship. Today I will give you 4 signs that the relationship that you are engaged in is TOXIC.

You are the only one putting in work in the relationship. A relationship requires two people actively working each day to make it better. It can’t survive off of who has done what in the past, but it matters who is putting work in at this present moment. One person doing all the work will not make a relationship healthy. It will result in you feeling drained. It is like a bank account. If no deposits are being made, then you can’t make a withdrawl unless it will end in the negative. If a person isn’t investing anything in the relationship, then they shouldn’t be enjoying any returns. You deserve a relationship with someone who thinks you are worth making an investment.

You start to lose yourself in the relationship. You wake up one day and realize you don’t know yourself anymore. Maybe you used to do things you loved that you no longer do anymore. You could be less energetic and excited about life. You could have compromised who you were without realizing in order to stay in a relationship. You don’t speak your mind about things that actually bother you because you want to keep peace. A healthy relationship allows you to be yourself. You should be completely comfortable being YOU, and not have to worry whether the other person won’t accept you.

You aren’t allowed to grow or change. Whenever, you start to grow or better yourself, it is viewed negatively, mocked, or even ignored. Your efforts, dreams, or goals aren’t supported or encouraged. Maybe you support them, but nothing you do is acknowledged. They can be critical or judgmental of anything you may do. Personal growth and development should be welcomed and encouraged in a healthy relationship.

The person word and actions often disagree. They tell you one thing, but their actions show another. They could tell you how appreciated you are, but their actions say you have no value to them. They always tell you what they are going to do, but they never perform. Sometimes they will tell you anything for the moment if they feel in danger of you leaving or if you are upset. Then after the storm is over, they are back to doing the same thing over again. Healthy relationships should reflect a person’s word lining up with their actions. Words are powerful, but when the actions show otherwise, it holds no value.

If you can identify with any of those signs, you may want to evaluate your relationship. Here are some questions that you should ponder to help you realize if your relationship is toxic.

  • Does the relationship provide an even give-and-take exchange of energy?
  • Does this person celebrate my success?
  • Am I completely fatigued when I’m with the person and energetic when they’re gone?
  • Is my fear of starting over or newness the only thing that is holding me back?
  • Do I find myself missing the old me?
  • Am I the only one investing in the relationship?
  • Do I feel good about myself when I am with this person?

If you find yourself in a toxic relationship, begin to take the steps of being in a healthy relationship. It may not be the easiest thing for you to do, but you are worth it. You have the power to do anything you want to do!!

Common Mistakes in Relationships

At some point in life, everyone desires healthy relationships. Relationships on any level, whether it is marriage, dating, or friendship requires some level of attention and work. Many times you desire certain things in relationships, but you go no further than having the desire. There are two major reasons relationships do not work or fail. One is expectations that go unmet and and the other is lack of healthy communication. If you are married, in a relationship, or dating you can benefit from this. If you already have the perfect relationship, there is no harm of being reminded of what is required. So sit back, and join me as we discuss the two most common issues of relationships.

A relationship requires two people actively working toward a common goal. The first mistake done in relationships is that there are no expectations or goals for that relationship. Actually, both parties have expectations and things that they expect. The issue is that these expectations aren’t communicated with both parties. How can a person meet expectations that have never been discussed? Is it fair to an individual not to know what is expected? It is almost like a job. Before someone accepts a position, expectations are laid out. Then you decide whether it is something that you are willing to do or accept. It is not fair to you or the other individual to carry on without knowing expectations. If expectations aren’t discussed, then assumptions are automatically made. Both individuals end up having to guess what the other person is thinking and assumptions are made about what the individual expects from you. We all know what is said about assumptions. It is said that it makes an @$$ out of you and the individual. It really is a recipe for disaster and causes unnecessary stress. If every little thing or repetitive things are discussed, it can become taxing or appearing to be nagging. This is why expectations have to be laid out and communicated to avoid this. It is like you wanting a snack out of the snack machine. You go stand in front of the snack machine and do nothing but hope the machine gives you what it is you want. It doesn’t work this way. If you want a snack, you must first put money into the machine and then press the buttons to select the snack you want. Even putting in money doesn’t guarantee that you are going to get what you want. You have to take the extra step to press the buttons and let the machine know what it is you desire. These are the same practical steps that have to be put into relationships. You must make some kind of investment such as time. Also, make it known to the individual what you desire.

There are appropriate times to discuss these things. You don’t want to take away from the fun times when you are spending time with each other to discuss these things. There need to be times spent when the two of you are just talking. Unfortunately, everyone doesn’t communicate the same way. We all have different love languages. This is another blog by itself, and I will touch that topic soon. Basically, we all don’t communicate the same way. You have to figure out what is the other person’s love language. One person can think they are communicating their affection, love, or interest in one way. However, the other person isn’t getting that message at all. Most of the time the issue is the both of you are COMMUNICATING THE SAME MESSAGE BUT IN A DIFFERENT WAY. You both could simply have different love languages and this is the case in most relationships. The key is discovering your love language as well as the other person. Sometimes you have to compromise and communicate in the other person’s love language. That is why communication is so important if you want a successful relationship. Also your method of communication could be different. When you are married, you have the advantage of living in the same household. With busy schedules, children, and just life itself though, you still may have to plan accordingly. Take time out each night or some point during the day to talk with your spouse about your day. No television, social media, or electronics, but just quality time talking to your spouse.

Some times in relationships, we wait until issues occur to the point we are fed up before talking about things. If you keep sweeping things underneath the rug, then it will just keep piling up. Then one day, you trip up over that pile you been trying to ignore. When you are in a relationship or dating, things may be different for you. Everyone may not be the type of person who likes to talk on the telephone or their phone conversation just may not be that intriguing. If you aren’t usually a person that talks on the phone, you may want to make an effort if you are really interested in making it work. Sometimes it takes more of an effort than just picking up the phone. You may have to actually talk and give your undivided attention beyond the basics of how are you doing today, especially if you are still getting to know each other. If the telephone just isn’t for you, then set up time outside of your regular date night. Take that time and go for coffee or spend it just talking. This is the time that these expectations can be discussed and it won’t interfere with the time that you spend doing fun things. Who knows, you may actually enjoy talking to your partner. Wouldn’t that be something? Dating is a time to ask questions! Discuss your goals, dreams, aspirations, likes, or dislikes. When these conversations are skipped or ignore, then you aren’t really building a foundation. When you do, you will then enjoy the time that you spend together more because you know more about each other beyond the how was your day moments.

Healthy communication is key. By the way healthy communication isn’t occurring when you are yelling or arguing. No one is really listening during these times. Also, just because someone wants to discuss something, that isn’t an argument. That is simply called a discussion. Both people need to communicate not just one. Many guys are not big talkers when it is about issues or communicating their feelings. However, certain things need to be discussed and if those expectations are discussed, you will know each person’s positions on things. Sometimes if a guy hears “we need to talk” line, they are immediately apprehensive. However, I am not just talking about issues, but just regular conversation. Who wants to keep talking about issues all of the time? No one really should because this can be draining. Many of those conversations can be eliminated when discussing your expectations up front like discussed earlier. There are practical things that have to be done when you want a healthy relationship. We take practical steps in everything else in life. You can’t just think that a relationship is going to magically fall in place and things are going to just work because you want them to or even if you prayed about it. You have to put in the work. I have said over and over again. If you don’t put money in the bank, you can’t keep thinking you can make withdrawals. You will eventually be overdrawn. If you aren’t willing to invest, you can’t expect to get a return. Whatever it is that you expect from a relationship, you have to be willing and actually put that into a relationship. Relationships take work and both parties have to be willing to work. This is what separates the wheat from the tare, girls from the women, or boys from the men shall I say. So if you are having any of these issues, just evaluate what it is that you are doing now. If adjustments need to be made, adjust and begin to enjoy your relationship on another level. If you want something you never had, you must do something you have never done.

Are you willing to put in the work for a successful or healthy relationship? Or are you the person just standing in front of the snack machine?

They Aren’t That Interested in You

Are they really interested in me? Is she just shy? Maybe he doesn’t like talking on the telephone? Could she really be this busy? These are all questions that I am sure we all have asked at some point in getting to know someone and trying to answer that complicated question…Is she or he really interested in me??? The truth is that question shouldn’t be so complicated to answer. It is actually very simple. We make it complicated because sometimes we become invested or make excuses for the individual in question. There are many signs that will show you a person isn’t interested. Let’s talk about a 7 of those signs that will tell you they aren’t really that interested in you.

  1. He or she communicates via text or email more than talking to you on the phone or in person. Yes, we are in this new century where texting or emailing is the primary way of communicating. However, you truly can’t get to know someone through text or email. After you get to know someone maybe this is okay, but I am an old school woman and prefer phone calls or in person rather than texting. This person has no interest of really getting to know you if most of communicating is through text or email. Also, this allows the individual not to really give you undivided time and attention. He or she could be on a date for all you know.
  2. If they are still hooking up with other men or women. Really to me this should be a given. Apparently, it is not! If they are still seeing other people, they aren’t really that interested in you. They are still in a stage where maybe some level of interest is there, but they aren’t interested enough in just seeing you. Recognize it and don’t allow them to treat you like an option.
  3. They contact you at a time where they don’t expect you to respond. Maybe they will call you early in the morning or late when they assume you are sleep, while you are working, or they know you will be occupied. Maybe even when you return their call they aren’t able to answer. They just want to be able to say they called you so you will think they want to talk to you. Truth is if they really wanted to talk to you,they would contact you at a time when they know you will be available. Watch out for this!
  4. They put little time in planning your date. They call you last minute or short notice. This means they assume that you have nothing else to do and you wouldn’t turn them down. Also, you are probably not the first option. They could have had plans with someone else that could be cancelled and now need something to do. This individual is not really interested in you. You are just another number in their book. A person who is interested in you will make future plans with you.
  5. You are always the one initiating communication or dates. Are you the one doing all the calling or reaching out? If they are interested in you, there will be even exchange of communication initiating. If they are only returning your call or responding to your text, they just aren’t that interested in you. It is obvious that you are interested because you are the one reaching out. If someone is interested in you, your phone should be ringing at some point.
  6. They are always busy. It doesn’t matter how busy someone maybe. The truth is people make time for the things they want. If someone is interested in you, they will make the time to spend time with you. If someone is too busy to respond to a text, return your call, or schedule a date with you, they aren’t interested in you. You want someone who will make time to talk to you or spend time with you.
  7. They aren’t consistent. Maybe you spend time with them. Then you don’t hear from them until a week or days later. They may call you for a while and then they stop. You may notice a change in their pattern or behavior with you. Do not ignore this! When someone is interested in you they will be consistent with you.

Listen guys and gals! When someone is really interested in you, they will constantly show signs that they are interested. If you have to ask whether they are interested, they are probably not interested in you. Do not waste your time and invest more into something that really isn’t there. Do not make excuses for a person or allow them to give you excuses that you know aren’t true. A person’s words should line up with their actions. If any of these signs sound familiar, RUN! You deserve someone who consistently shows you that you are their person of interest. Don’t be so thirsty that you accept any attention you are given. You deserve the best and you are worth more than that.

Love Is Not

I am not going to make this a long post. It will be short, sweet, and to the point. It amazes me that so many use the word “love” and yet not really know the meaning of that word. You often hear many people throwing around the word ”love”. It could be to a significant other, family member, friend, co-worker, etc. Actually, it’s been used so much people use it with people they don’t love. Sometimes you expect to see that word improperly used, especially accompanied by youth who think they are in love with a young woman or young man. However, I don’t expect to see it as much in people who confess that they are followers of Christ. It disheartens me to see that in the Body of Christ. We are the ones who should be examples of what it really means to love and not the ones who should be shown how to love.

1 Corinthian 13: 4-8 (Amplified)

4 Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily.

5 It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].

6 It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail.

7 Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].

8 Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end]. As for prophecy ([d]the gift of interpreting the divine will and purpose), it will be fulfilled and pass away; as for tongues, they will be destroyed and cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away [it will lose its value and be superseded by truth].

This is the real meaning of love. Yet, what I have been seeing that many having being perceiving as love seems to be selfish. We can’t insist what we want for others over what they desire or what God desires for them. Love is not loving someone only when they can offer you things that you want without you ever giving. Love is not rude and says things to purposefully hurt people. Love is not controlling or manipulating a person to get them to do what you want them to do. Love is not turning your back on others at the drop of a dime. Love is not eagerly waiting for the downfall or failures of others. Love is not tearing others down instead of building one another. If this is the so called “love” that we are showing to others, it is only doing more damage. Love is not only a word. Love is indeed an action, but be sure that the right actions are following your words. Do some introspection and see whether you showing love or what love is not.

Is it Worth It?

I believe many of us are in a place right now where we are waiting on the manifestation of a promise in our lives. I’m sure it hasn’t been the easiest process! For some of you, I’m sure it’s been the most challenging. Giving birth to our desires, dreams, and goals are similar to a woman giving birth in the natural. The first few months of the pregnancy no one may even know you are expecting. As time grows you start to show more and you become more uncomfortable. You go through changes that you normally don’t experience. As time progresses, you start carrying the weight of that baby. The closer the mother gets to the time of delivery the more uncomfortable she gets. Then the water breaks and the labor pains increase. It’s the same for us as we are giving birth to those dreams, desires, and goals that we have been carrying for so long. It may seem as things have been more challenging and it can be one of the most difficult times that you have been experiencing. Now is not the time to allow your fears, doubts, insecurities, anxieties, or worries to stop you from birthing what you desire. Don’t allow the enemy to fool you and convince you to throw in the towel now. The closer you are to victory, the more pressure you start to feel. The enemy wants you to believe it’s not going to happen and it’s no use for you to hold on to these dreams anymore. Keep pushing; you are only one push away. Once it is birthed, all of the pain that you experienced will seem minimal to the blessing that you now have. So don’t let the enemy mess with your mind by asking you “Is it worth it?” Yes it is worth the wait! Things can shift in your favor overnight. Wake up every day thinking today is the day that the promise is manifesting for me! Today is my set time for favor!

Stay in Position

Okay, many of us are in a very crucial stage in our life. It’s so crucial that you have to monitor every move that you make. Any decision you make at this point will greatly affect the manifestation of your promise. Imagine pregnant women who are in the third trimester of their pregnancy. They move a little slower than usual. They are often tired and worn out. Some of them wear that look on their face like “Hurry up and get this baby out of me!” and others wear a smile just to cover up their anticipation. Still they all want this baby to be birthed. Imagine her going into labor; the excitement isn’t quite there anymore. The only thing these mothers are thinking pain!

Many of us are in this season now. We have been carrying the promise, and began to get tired along the way. We just wanted God to just come deliver us from this pain, and even though it hurts we have to get into the birthing position. We can’t deliver this thing in any position. Some of us were in the position, and we took ourselves out because it was too painful, too hard, and too difficult for us to deal with. The Doctor didn’t tell us to” Get up from there…let Me make this thing a little more comfortable for you!” We removed ourselves from the delivery table, and tried to find an alternative to birthing what it is we really desire. Wake Up! There is no easy way, get back in position. Many of you are on the brink of this birthing, and you are only one push away. Have you noticed that during this time the mothers can only have two people in the delivery room with them? They don’t want to distract the mother from pushing and it’s hazardous to have too many people. They often have that one coach, and that coach isn’t saying “Okay, you can stop, you don’ have to push anymore because it’s so uncomfortable. ” This coach is saying “I know you can do it, just push. Yeah it hurts, but if you don’t the baby won’t be here…keep pushing” This is the same for the spiritual. God knows we can’t have people in our ear that is going to tell us what we want to hear, what is comfortable to us. Those people will have you aborting your promises. You want the people that are willing to challenge you to rise out of the place of comfort. Yes it hurts and yes it may be difficult but you are too close now to want to stay in a comfort zone. There is no room for complacency when you believe God for something. Many of you prayed for this thing to birthed, and now that God has called you to leave that place of comfort you want to question what it is you are hearing. Now isn’t the time to go to a hundred million people to get counsel and they lack insight, foresight, and oversight. God has ALREADY spoken!

Let’s go to some biblical examples:

Genesis 12:1-2-Now the Lord had said unto Abram, Get thee out of thy county, and from the kindred, and from they father’s house, unto a land that I will show thee: (2) And I will make thee a great nation, and I will bless thee, and make thy name great; and thou shalt be a blessing:

Now you know it wasn’t easy for Abram to leave his family. This is his place of comfort, he was raised here, and he grew up with the people in that land. He only knew that God had made him a promise and he wanted that promise. Yes it was difficult for Abram, but he knew he desired what God wanted for Him. He was faced with the challenge of relocating. He didn’t know what this new land had to offer, but he trusted God.

Ruth 1-3 (please read)

Now let’s look at Ruth. Ruth followed her mother in law, Naomi to Bethlehem. She wanted a better life than what she had in Moab. Naomi told her to stay, but Ruth followed anyhow. Ruth wanted the promise so bad that she was willing to do what it takes to get to that place of blessing. Sure it would have been easier for her to stay, but that’s how bad she wanted it. How bad do you want it? She didn’t stay in Moab. Bethlehem is the place of blessing. This is the place where the promises of God wait us, and Ruth was wise enough to follow God. Ruth was faced with a challenge of relocating like Abram into a new land. It’s a hard choice to have to reposition yourself, but failing to do so will only abort your destiny. God doesn’t force us, but we have to realize that different choices lead to different roads. What would Ruth’s life been like if she stayed in Moab? Boaz, her husband was positioned in Bethlehem. She would never have married Boaz. For many of us, Boaz represents our “blessing”.

Many of us have heard the Word from God. We have already received direction. We have already prayed and asked God to make the way clear so we can see. Now that he has answered us we want to stay in the comfortable position instead of the birthing position. Birthing a dream, desire, or a vision, is never done in a comfortable position. Get people out of your ears. People may have good intentions, but a good thing isn’t always a God thing. Don’t settle for Moab, and you are right in front of Bethlehem. You are in control of your destiny…don’t abort the promises. Now is the time to be obedient to the voice of God and not the voice of man. Stop reaching out to people to speak into your life that has no insight. You are at the end, and you need to trust God. You know the saying “this is what separates the boys from the men and girls from the women. This statement is very true for this point in the game. This part of the process is what separates the wheat from the tare or the boys from men so to speak. Basically, we have to Man up or Woman up!

God doesn’t bless easiness, laziness, or slothfulness. You have the answer that you have been looking for, but you have to think beyond the moment and into the future. Yes it’s difficult, but how bad do you want God’s best. It’s easy to follow what seems to be easy, but that is a “settling spirit”. Don’t set a precedence of settling! This is not the way to enter the future. If you settle in one area, you will settle in another area. That is saying that I desire to follow God, but maybe if I just take this route God will bless it. It doesn’t work this way. How long can that mother stay out of the birthing position before more danger occurs? Yes, it may be easier and comfortable for her now, but not for long. That baby is still trying to be birthed, and it will only be more detrimental to your future. The easier way is detrimental, but the pain of the birthing position will only be there until the baby is out. This is the destined way. You have to be obedient to God! Get in position before it’s too late…you are only one push away! Once you get in position…it’s over! The pain will be gone, and you will have the full manifestation!

Your destiny is at stake! What does it mean to you? Ask yourself “Who’s voice are you listening to? Who’s voice are you obeying: God or man?”

Out of the Box

So often in life we tend to be drawn to what seems to be familiar to us. We think we know everything there is to know about the situation. We then become comfortable with these situations whether

it be our jobs, relationships, or just simply life. We have to be careful that we don’t become too comfortable with what seems to be familiar to us. Sometimes when we become too comfortable it will stop us from moving into our future. We often like to stay with what we are familiar with because it becomes a place of safety. Are you REALLY HAPPY there?

For example, A new job opportunity is presented to you. You may have some experience with the new job opportunity, but you haven’t mastered it like the one you currently have. See, you know what to expect from this job because you have been employed there so long. You have experienced good days at that job. You have had days where you have been stressed and days where you have been hurt on that job. The new job is unfamiliar to you. You don’t know everything about it. You see the potential success of this new job, and the increases that can possibly come along with it. However, you become hesitant because you are just so comortable with your old job. You decide to stay with the old job because you know the job and your employer know you. You know what to expect on a bad day from the old job. You have already experienced pain from the old job, so you decide to stay with what is familiar to you.

We often let our heads get in the way of our blessing. When you lose the battle in your mind, you have already lost the battle. Just because something is unfamiliar to you, it does not mean that it’s wrong. You have to cast out fear in order to move forward. This is called fear of the unknown. You are afraid because you don’t know whether it’s going to work out. You don’t know exactly how it’s going to be in the unfamiliar territory, but you have to trust God.

2 Timothy 1:7 -For God hath not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

God only wants the best for us. We have to trust him and move beyond familiar grounds. Remember that the desires to want to move to the unfamiliar territory was placed in you by God. Listen to God and move. He wants you to be truly happy. Don’t settle! This is dangerous for believers. We can’t become complacent, but we have to step out of the boat like Peter. Remember that we have authority and dominion. We are kingdom minded people, we can’t be afraid to move forward.

Romans 1:17- For therein is the righteousness revealed from faith to faith: as it is written, The just shall live by faith

Faith is what we are to live by. We can’t go to new realms in God if we allow fear to take place. Faith is the Word of God. Fear is words of the devil. Fear is a representation of what APPEARS to be real. It’s not real. The enemy can’t tell us the truth because he is the father of lies. I challenge you to move beyond the enemy and move into your future! Complacency will only hinder you from living and you will just simply exist!

Are you going to let the enemy keep you from moving into your future or are you going to trust God with your future?

Guard Your Splash Zone

Have you ever been to the beach or water park? You know there is always an area that you will get wet once the natural or artificial wave splashes. As long as you stay in that area, you are bound to get wet. Well that area is called the splash zone. We all have splash zones in our lives. These are the areas that if others in our lives are in can be affected by our actions, attitudes, ideas, thoughts, decisions, and leadership. Who are the people in your splash zone? They can be yours spouse, children, close friends, co-workers, or church members? Now the question is, with what are the people in your splash zone being soaked? Hmmm, think about that for a moment. Are they being soaked with negativity, rudeness, doubt, fear, or insecurity? Or are they being soaked with faith, encouragement, or empowerment, peace, or joy? The things that we do can greatly affect the people in our splash zones. Sometimes we live our lives and not realize the impact we make on others, especially those in our splash zones. By the way, what good is it that we try to positively affect people in the world if we are negatively affect the people in our splash zones? Sometimes we try to encourage those outside of our splash zones because we can unconsciously take for granted the people in our splash zones. We interact with them so much that we just expect for them to just overlook all the negativity. As I fore mentioned there are many things we can use to soak those in our splash zones. However today, I want to take a closer look at one way in particular that we don’t always realize how it can affect those in our splash zones.

We all know that those in our splash zones do not always make us happy or encouraged. Truth be told, they can get on our last nerve. The people closest to us have the ability to hurt us the most. The question is how do you handle it? Do you try to pay them back for what they do? Do you pray about it? Do you go talk about it with a friend? Well, we all should know that you definitely don’t try to punish them. Sometimes the thing that we run to the most is to talk about it with someone else. See the thing is our natural reaction tends to be to always talk about the negative someone does instead of the good they may do. Our first action should be to pray about it. I am not saying talking about it with someone is the wrong thing to do, but you have to be careful with whom you choose to converse. Let me explain why. For example, let’s say your spouse did something to make you upset. Every time your spouse ruffles your feathers you call a friend or someone to vent about what he or she has done. You don’t run to tell when they do something great or to praise them. So, the only thing they hear is the negative that your spouse has done. This creates a negative image of your spouse. You love your spouse, so when they apologize you forgive them. That friend that you chose to share that information with doesn’t know that and they begin to only see the negative pictures you have painted for them. Then you get upset when you talk to them and they remind you of all the negative. Sometimes you have already move from that place of anger, and that friend is still stuck there. However, there is no one to blame except yourself. You have to know whether that individual is able to handle hearing what you choose to share. If not, you just decided to leave that spouse unprotected. You have tainted there image in the eyes of others. This pertains to anyone in our splash zone. You have to learn to GUARD those in your splash zones. It may never be our intention to taint there image or damage their characters in the eyes of others. Yet, it is done when we only choose to share all the bad things these people do and never focus on what they have done right.

I challenge you today to begin to be more mindful with how we handle those in our splash zones. Are we choosing to soak them with negativity by tainting their image? Or do you choose to guard those in your splash zone by soaking them in love and praise? Guard your splash zone!!


Our lives our filled with choices. Every day we make choices down to the very simple things in life. The road we will travel in life depends on the choices we make. I am a firm believer that we can’t take shortcuts in life trying to birth our true desires. The easiest and most comfortable road always seems to be more appealing in our mind but never our hearts. Why do we look for an easy way out? Is it because we are afraid of facing the obstacles that might be presented? We will choose another path simply of what MIGHT not happen never considering the antithesis of that thing being birthed from it. This sadly disappoints me in believers, especially those who are mature believers. The truth is there is no such thing as an easier route in God, when birthing out our purpose and desires. Sure it may appear to be an easier, but when it not producing what we truly desire it will cost us much more. It’s more expensive to travel the road that isn’t designed to produce what we desire nor what God desires for us.

What amazes me is that some of us start traveling these roads knowing that they aren’t capable of producing what we need it to produce. Some may find out later in the journey and still continue to travel the path. Yet, we pray and ask God to make it birth what you desire from it. We ask God to make the path easier for a road WE chose to take after abandoning what HE has spoken. The thing is one road will lead to your heart’s cry and the other will lead you absolutely nowhere. It’s nowhere because if you aren’t fulfilling your purpose and destiny, where is it that you think you are going? Purpose is the reason we exist. However, destiny is the choices and actions we make to get there. I have learned a long time ago to stop making my own rules and choosing paths that only appear that it’s capable of producing a thing. I have traveled it only to find out that it doesn’t quite fit the bill. It sometimes has been this one little thing that I knew that God desired for me was missing. In the end, it will leave you dissatisfied and drain you. Therefore I choose to travel the paths that will produce God given results , in spite of the obstacles I MAY have to face.

When is the last time that God MADE you do something? Some of us blame God on things that He isn’t involved with at all. Did He make you go to work today? Does He make you get up in the morning? God expresses His desires for us, but He won’t make you do it. Some of us wait on God to make us do what He wants us to do. Sorry, it doesn’t work that way. He leads us and directs our paths, but He doesn’t force us to do anything. God loves us so much that He even gives us time to get back on the right path. He always gives us a way of escape or a window of opportunity. However, saints this is not the season where we think we have so much time to get back on the right path. You will abort the promise. Listen, you aren’t irreplaceable. Don’t get so comfortable that you think you are the only person that is able to do a thing. Those who don’t get with the vision in this season, you might as well welcome in your replacement. The show must go on and one person won’t stop the show. So, don’t waste any more time traveling down a road only wishing that it will produce what you desire.

Doubt Cancellation

Many of us are in a season of our lives where we have been waiting on manifestation of what we are believing God for! This season has not been an easy season at all. You have been praying, fasting, laying prostrate before the Lord, and may even shed some tears. It may seem like you have been waiting and waiting forever. While you were waiting, it may seem like the pain has been increasing and you have been having to push harder than before. You may be tired and feel weak, but don’t let go! God has not forsaken you and He has not forgotten about you. Now is not the time to doubt God! You have gone through too much to turn back!

Numbers 13, 14 (please read)
This particular section of scripture deals with the children of Israel. God promised to take them into Canaan. God had already brought them out of Egypt. After sending spies to Canaan, they returned with a record of what they perceived. They saw that they land was good and had everything the Lord promised, but they also reported the giants that came along with the territory. The children of Israel were frightened and they began to doubt God. They wanted to return back to Egypt. The children of Israel had to go into the wilderness for 40 years because of their unbelief and disobedience. The land was promised to them, but they let other people’s perception scare them away from the promise land. They were fearful and wanted to stay with what was familiar to them. They were warned of the giants, but didn’t want to work to defeat them.

Does this sound familiar to any of you? If God is leading you to a new place, then follow God. If God promised you something, then you have to trust and believe Him. You can’t let what others are saying around you keep you from your place of destiny. People may be around you who may tell you what you should do based on their perception of your situation. Those spies I mentioned above told the children of Israel what they perceived. Newsflash (for those of you that aren’t already aware): Everyone that is around you is not for you! Sometimes even the people who are closer to you may not understand why you are making that decision. Guess what, it doesn’t matter! The conditions may not look favorable for you to make that decision at this point in the game, but you have to trust God.

My dad said something yesterday I found interesting. He was talking about marriage in particular, but this can be applied to all areas of your life. He said” God may tell you to do something that looks totally different than what everyone else did around you. God calls people into marriages differently..everyone doesn’t have the same testimony. So what? There are no rules to the game!”

Okay, the conditions didn’t look favorable for Mary to birth Jesus, but He was born! Against all the things that was opposing the birth, Jesus was still born. You have to follow the voice of God. Remember the desire inside of you to move into that land was placed there by God. It’s not new to Him! If he told you to move, then you must move. At this point, you can’t afford to doubt God. You have come too far and have gone through too much.

Doubt is to be uncertain about; consider questionable, unlikely, hesitate to believe, or to distrust. Fear lies at the bottom of doubt. It’s the foundation of doubt. The root of anything that is not of God comes back to fear! It’s the devil! Don’t let doubt keep you from moving into the promised land. Say goodbye to “Egypt” and move into “Canaan”! If God says it’s good for you, then it’s good for you! God gives us each a choice. He isn’t going to force His will upon you, He just simply expresses His wishes. Listen to your heart and move forward. The doubt and fear has to be cancelled out. Stop trying to look into Canaan and look what you can see in the natural. Get focused on what you see in the spiritual. The children of Israel was so close to the manifestation, but their own actions got them sent into the wilderness.

For some of you this could be the place where you felt like you have been in forever. You feel like you just are going in circles, and nothing seems to be changing. Listen to God and move! Don’t abort your promise to return to that wilderness!
In the natural, abortions are only given within certain timelines of the pregnacy. That is done for many reasons including, protection of the fetus, and physical and psychological reasons for the mother. Only the mother can decide whether, she will have an abortion. It’s the same in the spiritual, the only way a promise can be aborted is if we decide to abort the promise. You don’t wait until you get to the end to start doubting. You have to remain steadfast.

The semester I was supposed to graduate from college, things happened that caused me not to return to school. Two years passed, and I faced many obstacles tying to get back into school. Many people tried to get me to return before then, but it wasn’t the right time. In the natural, things just didn’t look favorable for me to return when I did. However, God made a way. Classes had already started back and I missed the first week of school. I had to commute 160 miles a day and I wasn’t able to work. I graduated, and not a day went by that I lacked for anything. He made a way because I was obedient to His voice. If it’s a new level in your ministry, purchasing a new car, buying a new house, starting a new business, starting a new job, or even going back to school, go forth! Move into the new land, don’t let fear hinder you. You have to cancel all the doubt by trusting God and keeping His Word in your mouth!

Remember it’s all about perception! If you perceive what others call giants to be in that new unfamiliar land to be giants, then you will have giants to face. You have to know God has already given you the victory! Remember the One who lives in the inside of you. He knew you could handle everything that He is bringing you into. You are already equipped for the journey! He won’t lead you to a dry brook or take you to a new place to be disappointed! Now is the time to trust God…it’s time to cancel the doubt! It’s time for doubt cancellation!