inspiration

Lessons From the Past

This past couple weeks of my life has been very interesting to say the least. I thought I was being punked at one point and was waiting for Ashton Kutcher to jump out at any minute. Within one week of my life, I had spoken to almost every ex-boyfriend I ever had. I really didn’t realize that it was happening back to back that week. For the most part, I don’t dislike any of my exes. There was something that attracted me to them at one point in my life. I know how to get along and be cordial even to the ones that hurt me deeply. Now there maybe one or two that I also did some damage to their hearts. I am not innocent.

This week gave me an opportunity to really do some introspection and look at myself in all these different relationships. I had some huge realizations to say the least. I am big on being accountable to my part in the relationship. It is my pet peeve for individuals who refuse to be accountable for their actions and try to project their feelings on to another person. I am at a different stage in my life than I was even earlier this year. Some of my perspectives have changed and some have broadened. I was encountering challenges that were actually helped through some of these conversations. I had to face truths and some realities that some of the relationships in my life weren’t what it appeared to be. Some simple truths were discovered that gave closure where I was certain there were no cracks to get in the door.

I said all of that to say this. Be thankful for the relationships that didn’t work in your life. Each one taught you valuable lessons that helped get you where you are today. I learned so many lessons. It helped me also realize why there may be certain things I am not tolerable of today in relationships. I remember I had this silly mindset in one of my relationships. I just knew that I was helping him become a better man for the next woman. I knew already in my heart that it wasn’t going to end the way we both expected.

I think I held on at some point because of all that I had already invested. I thought I deserved to see a harvest on my investment and not let someone else benefit from the seeds I had sown.  I also had other people around me that still had hope that we would still make it because of our friendship. Truth is we are supposed to help each other to become better in relationships. So don’t be silly like I was and stay in something I know wasn’t going to yield happiness. At the end of the day each person I dated, I wanted them to be truly happy even if it wasn’t with me.  Your past relationships has helped prepared you for the ONE whenever you encounter them. When you meet that one, you will be thankful that every other relationship in your life didn’t work out how you thought it should.

♥ Tara Middleton

The Layaway Plan

Dating, courting, whatever term you chose to use, has become quite interesting these days. It can all seem so complicated, especially when there seem to be so many rules in the game of dating. Who should call who first? How long should you wait? Do you take turns setting up dates or wait on each other? I have gotten plenty of those questions, but I want to skate past this today. I get many questions all coming down to “How do I know they are serious?” I often refer to what I call “The Layaway Plan”.

Let me break this down. Almost everyone has gone shopping for something a handful of times. Layaway programs were created to allow customers to lay claim to items they desire by investing usually at least 10% of an item.  If you are still searching for other items and you aren’t sure if you are going to find exactly what you are looking for, you can make sure no one else claims the others you in which you are interested. If they don’t find anything better, then they have a time frame in which they can fully complete their purchase. Sometimes you decide you find something better and let go of the items on layaway. Many of us date with this method whether we identify it or not.

Let’s say I find a guy in whom I am intrigued, but I am not quite sure whether it is exactly what I want. He may have some characteristics or traits, but I am not sure. There may be another guy that comes along that may have exactly what I think it is in which I am looking. Of course, I don’t want to miss out on this guy. So, I have to invest just enough to keep him occupied or intrigued. I may call him, text him, and spend time with him. I’m just making sure I do enough that I can keep some of the other prospects away from him. That way I am not missing out on what could be potentially be a great thing or my person.

Some of you aren’t even going to be real and admit that you have done that or if it currently identifies with you. I realize that you have to date in order to find love. Now you do have to know what it is you want or looking for in order to find it. I could stop right there. No commercials just yet though.  Some of you want to put people on layaway for free. You make no kind of investment, but expect them to be there when you get back. That is hilarious to me. You may even start other layaway plans while still searching for what you want. Some of you are on layaway and don’t even realize it because she or he makes you feel special. You don’t even realize that they are only investing in the minimum to keep you off the market. They know someone will come and want to fully invest in you. They may not be ready to fully commit for whatever reason or excuse.

One thing that people tend to forget while still shopping at times is that the layaway plan has a limit. There is an expiration written into the policy. Most layaway plans don’t exceed over 90 days. You have 90 days to make a decision on whether you are willing to make the investment to make the full purchase. I was reminded tonight that during holidays an extension is often given now so you may get 120 days. That is not the norm. If I am not willing to fully invest, then I can’t string a man along. Let’s be honest. Most of us really know within that time frame whether we can see something progressing from that relationship. Now there can be several different factors that cause us to hold on past this point. It can be comfort, fear of missing out, fear of the unknown, fear of causing hurt, selfishness, etc. For the sake of time I won’t elaborate on those in this post. I will hit that another time.

I personally held on to some relationships or friendships because I was comfortable with the familiarity. It was easier not to start over and learn someone else new. I told myself that we had a really great friendship and isn’t that a great foundation for a great marriage? Now don’t get me wrong, it can be. Sometimes we are in denial. Some of us had great friendships only because we didn’t do anything to rock the boat. You don’t want to be rude or hurt feelings. Some of my greatest friendships are with people who don’t mind hurting my feelings. I thought that if I stuck it out it would change and marriage would evolve eventually. We would get on the same page. There is potential. Truth be told, I saw red flags along the way that pointed me to an end. I knew it was time to let it go and I held on anyway. I caused more hurt by lingering than by letting them go. I had to ask myself was I keeping the other person from finding their person because I hadn’t let them go. I loved them enough that I wanted them to be truly happy even if it wasn’t with me.

If you aren’t going to invest, then let them go. I hear people tell me that they are going to entertain one person, until someone else comes along that catches their attention. Here is the problem with that. It usually doesn’t work that way. If you really want to experience love and happiness with an individual, you must be willing to be vulnerable. Let me say it again another way. The level at which you chose to stop being vulnerable, is the level of happiness and love you can experience.  I know it doesn’t feel great being vulnerable. Who wants the feeling of thinking they can be hurt?

They are so many different scenarios of how this layaway plan can play out. I will touch on more of these soon.  As for now, don’t be someone’s expired layaway plan. If someone hasn’t made the investment yet, don’t think you aren’t worth it. Don’t use this to measure your worth. Maybe that person is just not your person. Someone will come who will be ready to fully invest when it’s time and see the treasure you are.  Don’t leave people on layaway once you know you have no intention of making the full investment.

Hello my friends! I know it has been quite a while and I have been M.I.A. I missed you! I haven’t forgotten about you all out there! So much has happened and I will give you all the updates. I have been also missing in action on my social media platforms as well. Thank you all for the messages, inboxes, and emails asking where I have been. I have read them all. I’m thankful for you and that you look forward to my blogs and posts. It means so much to me. I will be very transparent with you about what has been happening in my world. Everyone knows I am purpose driven. Well maybe some of you. It brings me great joy when I am fulfilling my purpose. I love helping, encouraging, motivating, uplifting, and inspiring. It is second nature to me and I start doing it without even realizing it. Some may get annoyed when I do especially if all they really wanted was to vent. You don’t always want to be encouraged. I get it! Therefore, I have had to learn how not to do that because I am not perfect. I’m still growing and developing. I even had to ask friends and loved ones to let me know before they start that all they want to do is to vent. I can’t always read minds. Lol!

I am the person who naturally wants to say yes to everyone who comes and need me. I will go out of my way to help even if it means changing my schedule or even pushing my body beyond what it needs to do. A friend often tells me I do that to a fault and gets annoyed at me for not making others aware of what I’m dealing or tending to with myself. Well a few months ago, God brought some of these things to the forefront. He told me to rest. I haven’t worked a 9 to 5 since I was diagnosed with brain cancer. I thought I had had too much time of rest, but He showed me that I wasn’t resting at all. I am often told that I am the busiest single person with no full time job they know. I was being pulled on emotionally, spiritually, physically, and other ways too. I was answering every phone call even when I knew that it was going to require more of me. I was carrying so much and I realized I pushed myself to the back burner. I wasn’t taking care of myself. It is important to have people in your circle that loves you enough to check in with you to see how you are doing in spite of the smile on your face and when the smile is gone.
I learned how to push myself and not give so much attention to the things I am going through. God wanted me to address these things. I had to tend to me. He reminded of my call, purpose, and assignment. If I didn’t start tending to me more, I wasn’t going to fulfill my destiny. That was all I had to hear. I want nothing more, but to fulfill my purpose and complete the assignment of my life. I don’t want God not to be able to use me because I am not taking care of myself.

You know when you get on the airplane and they start going through safety procedures. The steward or stewardess tells you in case of emergency, place the oxygen mask on before you help the next person. What good would you be to someone if you died in the middle of helping them? Well, that is the visual I was given. He told me loud and clear “Tara, put the oxygen mask on you first.” I had to take a break for God to pour into me. I had to tend to some matters of the heart and making sure I was really healed and healing. I had to learn how to really rest and how to be okay with saying NO. He told me “Saying YES to everyone is sometimes saying NO to you”. That is a SELAH! Just think about that statement. We often say yes to everyone except ourselves. People don’t always realize when they are pulling on you nor do they realize that they aren’t the only person doing so. I have learned to say yes to Tara more and how to allow God to take care of me in every area. I learned how to protect my peace more and stay in my “happy place”. I was also spending too much time on my phone and social media without even realizing I was scrolling. Some of us can’t even go a church service without accessing Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter. I am not referring to sharing the message or broadcasting. We spend all day doing that and give God the crumbs of our time. Yet, we want Him to fulfill our every desire. That is another topic for another day. With all that being said, I’m ready now more than ever to fulfill the things that my hands has been assigned to accomplish! I’M BACK

♥ Tara S. Middleton

Beyond Bondage

If I took a virtual poll right now, how many of you would choose freedom over being locked up in prison? Let me be the first to raise my hand! I think that majority of us would choose to be free right? You are probably thinking “Tara, who wouldn’t?” This seems like it would be an easy decision. Those who are behind those prison walls would probably give anything to be on the other side. A couple of weeks ago I had a vision and it left me a little puzzled for a moment. I was shown a prison cell. There was a woman sitting on a bench with ankle cuffs and handcuffs. The officer opened the door of the cell. He came in and removed the ankle cuffs and then the handcuffs. He walked out leaving the door to the cell wide open. She stayed right there and didn’t get up once she was set free. I couldn’t quite understand why someone would be sitting in prison and they are already free. There are so many of us who are in this same position of the lady from my vision.

God has set us free from bondage of addictions, relationships, hindering mindsets, abuse, etc. Yet some of us are like the woman sitting behind the cell free and don’t even know freedom has already been granted. We are holding ourselves in bondage of things that God has already released from our lives. In some cases, many have asked to be free. Many nights of crying ourselves to sleep because all we can think about is what lies beyond this place of confinement. Some are all cried out and living silently in pain. Hearts are aching to experience happiness beyond the bondage. Now that we have been given the liberty to get up and walk out, we are stuck sitting on the bench. Fear has come, and we don’t think there’s going to be a better life outside these walls. There is so much beyond the bondage, but you must first receive the freedom. If all you can visualize is doom and defeat, you will never be free. You must see life beyond bondage.

Maybe some of us found the courage to walk out. We took the steps and realized that there is a new-found freedom. Now we are out of prison, but we think that life outside of what we are used to is so hard. We are used to being bound emotionally, physically and psychologically that we struggle accepting the newness. This is a trick of the enemy to get you stuck in prison, so you don’t walk into the greatness that your lies ahead of you. You start to think that it was better being in prison then being free. You forget the bad things about prison that caused you to cry out for something better and thinking there must be more to life than this.  My heart aches for us that are deceived to believe prison is so much better than being liberated. It may be new and may even hurt sometimes when we are separating from relationships. It is only temporary. It will get better and you will be able to thank God for the freedom. Your mindset must be renewed with this new freedom or you will still be stuck in the prison of your mind. Listen do not sell yourself short. You are worth more than what you are accepting.

 
Then some has walk right back into the doors of the prison cell and close the door ourselves. Yes, we think that prison cell is our home and that’s the place that brings us peace because it turned into our normal. You start investing more into this place of bondage hoping to yield happiness. You are practically decorating the cell, so you can tell yourself it’s not that bad. Underneath all of that, remember it is still prison. It doesn’t matter how pretty you make it seem in your mind. There isn’t beauty in bondage. I know it seems hard for any of you to think that any of these images can be you. I was once that woman on the bench inside the prison. I was so used to the heartache, pain, and even numbness that came along with it. I struggled with moving past that to walk into a place where I could truly live. Oh, I thought, that I was living because of what I labeled as good moments. I had no clue that I was slowly dying, and life was being sucked from me. Think about prison. When a person goes in, their life stops at that moment until they are released. You aren’t truly living in bondage. There is so much life, joy, peace, happiness, prosperity, and healing beyond bondage.

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I ask you to please search where you are currently. Are you sitting in prison after God has released you? Are you out of prison, but now you are aching to be back in the walls of confinement? Have you returned to prison and locked yourself back inside to what God has released from you? Are out of prison and enjoying your freedom, walking in your purpose, and truly enjoying the life God has for you?

Are You Stuck?

Throughout my fight with my health challenges, I would experience paralysis that could sometimes last for weeks on end. I would be stuck in the bed and not be able to move. There would be times that I couldn’t even get up to go to the bathroom and had to get help to do the necessities of life. You can become paralyzed sometimes throughout different phases in your life. It will cause you not to even perform  basic functions.

Paralysis (according to dictionary.com):

1.To cause (a person or part of the body) to become partly or wholly incapable of movement

2.To render (someone) unable to think or act normally, especially through panic or fear:

3.To bring (a system, place, or organization) to a standstill by causing disruption or chaos:

There are things that you experience in life that will immobilize you from moving   fully into who you are in the process of becoming. Dreams, goals, and desires won’t be manifested. When paralysis sets in you can begin to operate in a way that is out of character. You can be driven by fear or panic and make decisions up you wouldn’t normally make. Instead of operating in faith, it can push you to make irrational decisions and not sound decisions.  It will literally disrupt life as you may know it. At times when I was paralyzed, I would be attempting to move my body. In my mind, I felt I was moving and making some kind of progress. Yet my physical therapist would tell me I was in the same position.  I would be so tired from trying to move. I tired myself out and went absolutely nowhere. Sometimes we think we are making progress and moving, but we are stuck. Some heart issues like unforgiveness, fear of rejection, and hurt can cause us to be stagnant. Healing is needed so you can experience life the way God intended.  There is nothing that you have done in your past that can cause you not to move forward in your future. Whom the Son has set free, is free indeed! There is freedom in Christ. You don’t have to bound by any sin or shame.

Mark 2; 1-12 refers to the paralytic who was carried by his four friends. They couldn’t help him so they wanted to carry him to the place where Jesus was located. They knew that his situation may have appeared hopeless or impossible, but they knew that nothing was impossible with Jesus. They could get him in the house with Jesus. It was too crowded, so they went up to the roof top. They tore a hole in the roof top to lower his bed into the house so he could be in His presence. They were determined to get their friend the help he needed. They had to think outside the box and the norm  ear one another’s burden, and so fulfill the law of Christ” (Gal. 6:1). Surround yourselves with people who are willing and has the ability to carry you in the presence of God when you can’t get yourself there. Do not forget to be that friend or loved one for others in your life as well. Sometimes we have the people who are there to support, but do we offer them the same support?

This is a side note. To those of you who are still single (not married), make sure your mate can have the ability to catch you in the spirit and can carry you to His presence. Two believers can still be unequally yoked. The oxen were yoked together with those who could carry the same weight so they could reach the destined place or fulfill the assignment. Now back to the topic at hand.

 

The house was crowded with people. There were bystanders who watched in amazement to see the miracles that took place. People observed the friends carry the paralytic on the roof and watched the miracle took place. We all will experience times when we may be immobilized and seem like we may need support/help to get to the place where we can walk again. No one can function effectively by themselves.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-11

9 Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their labor:
10 If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
and has no one to help them up.
11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?

It is okay for us to let our loved ones know that we need help. Do not allow the enemy to make you feel bad for needing help at times. He tries to get us alone so he can prey on us. He doesn’t go after the pack of sheep, he singles the one that is alone. He looks for the ones who are weak to devour. Are you the paralytic who needs to be carried to Jesus for healing? Are you the faithful friends who will do what is required to get others to Jesus? Or are you are the bystander who is in awe as God and others work around us?  The awesome thing is no matter where we find ourselves, there is always an answer. There is always hope.  Don’t be dismayed or discouraged!!

 

Remember, leave no treasure undiscovered!

 

paralytic

Love Requires Work

Communication and unmet expectations is one of the major issues in all relationships. You can share your heart with individuals over and over. Until a person realizes and identifies the issue, they will not change. Sometimes we expect to receive love from people who don’t have the capacity in their heart to love you. Or it could be that they aren’t willing to make room in their heart for you. So, it takes you to understand whether a person has the ABILITY or WILLINGNESS to love you. Then you must adjust your perspective, love, and accept them for who they are today. If you don’t you will be hurt and disappointed repeatedly because of expectations not being met. Love is a choice. We choose to love or not to love the people in our lives. All relationships require give and take. Both people must pour into the relationship. Boundaries may have to be placed so that you won’t end up in a deficit. You teach people how to love you. If you keep accepting anything, you are saying it’s okay. Don’t be afraid to communicate what you need in relationships. Sometimes we make people feel wrong for communicating their needs. Don’t allow anyone to make you feel bad for sharing how you feel.  Gary Chapman author of one of my favorite books identify our love languages (the way we communicate care and love) as the following:

  • Quality time
  • Words of affirmation
  • Physical touch
  • Gifts
  • Acts of service

 

Everyone communicate love differently. It is insane for us to think that everyone loves the same way. I know that each person in my life have different needs in relationships. So, I try my best to communicate with them in their languages and meet their needs in our relationships. Just like if you have children. Each of your children will have different needs. Therefore, you communicate your love with them in the way they require. However, often we try to love everyone in our lives the same way or maybe we don’t even consider the certain relationships beyond a certain scope. All relationships take work and effort. You don’t get in your car or live in your house without paying attention to it to see if it needs maintenance. You know that your car requires gas and oil. Relationships require maintenance. If you have a relationship that is important to you, be sure that you check in from time to time. There may be some relationships change over time. As we grow, our needs may change. I recently noticed that my love language changed. After growth in some areas of my life, I realized that my main two love languages aren’t the same anymore. I never thought that those would now be different.  Evaluate and check in with your loved ones from time to time. You should be comfortable expressing your needs in relationships. If a person makes you feel bad for that, they may not be willing to put in the work. Could it be that what you are expressing could reflect something they aren’t ready to address?

 

Romans 12:10 Amplified Bible (AMP)

10 Be devoted to one another with [authentic] brotherly affection [as members of one family], give preference to one another in honor;

Let’s Talk About Sex

              October 27, 2016

 I’m tired of just hanging with the guys or girls. I want to be on a date like the rest of my friends who are booed up. Girl, that’s easy for you to say when you are going home to a man in your bed every night. Sound familiar?  Even if you aren’t single now you, I am sure you went through this stage at one point in your life. We all have been here if you are honest with yourself. I can’t say what you have encountered, so let me be transparent with you about what I have experienced. My last relationship was 8 years ago. Yes 8 years! I found that whenever I made the decision to be celibate and honor God with my body 15 years ago my dating life wasn’t as easy. Some people think that it is impossible to be celibate in a relationship.  It may not be easy, but it isn’t impossible. When God tells us, that sex should be within the covenant of marriage, He is not attempting to set you up to fail. God isn’t a jerk that wants to send you on a wild goose chase knowing you will never be able to maintain or obtain He has asked you to do. He would never give you anything to do that is impossible. I have no special ability and NO the call of God on my life doesn’t make it easier for me. It most certainly takes effort in keeping myself out of situations that could lead to sex.

Being single in and no committed relationship or courtship doesn’t make it less challenging either. You must use wisdom and don’t put yourself in situations where you know good and well it will make you want to have sex. I don’t care how close you are with God. You can have him on speed dial or wearing iron clad underwear, but it doesn’t mean you won’t have to fight sexual temptation. There’s no special superpower someone has to deny themselves. It takes using wisdom, discipline, and self -control.  Now I have done some pretty dumb things earlier while being celibate and everyone can’t do some of those things. Wisdom went straight out the window. For example, I was in a relationship and use to spend the night at his home. Wait for it…. not in separate rooms but in the same bed. Now you know God wasn’t pleased!  We are to stay abstain from the very appearance of evil. Now we didn’t even share a kiss, but was sharing a bed. I wish you could see my expression on my face. That could have destroyed my witness and destroyed my reputation if it was exposed. What if we were caught doing something so reckless?  Who would have believed that we weren’t having sex better yet not even kissing? I bet no one is raising your hand right about now. Well Tara, you are a minister so you can’t do anything like that. Oh, really? When did the Word of God only applied for the leaders and ministers of the gospel? Oh, we try to talk ourselves out of things that we don’t want to know the truth about. We fight with ideas and other scriptures to justify what we are doing in our lives. We compare our lives to others.

 “At least I am not doing, what they are doing! So God I am not that bad! God is still working on me! He knows my heart!”

 Yes, we all have areas in our lives that we can stand to grow more. God can’t work on you unless you open your heart to Him in that area. You must let him be Lord over every area of your life. We try to pick and choose where we want Him to lead.  We want Him to protect us. We want Him to provide for us, but our relationships are off limit. I hear already someone saying.

“I go to work every day and I work for my own money. I work hard for what I do.”

If you start thinking to yourselves, “I did all this. And all by myself. I’m rich. It’s all mine!”—well, think again. Remember that God, your God, gave you the strength to produce all this wealth so as to confirm the covenant that he promised to your ancestors—as it is today. Deuteronomy 8:18

Some of us get in relationships He didn’t lead us in, but we want Him to bless our relationship. The relationship that we entered ourselves without seeking Him about. Now that we have invested so much of ourselves we just ask God to bless the relationship. Now that relationship could be the one God has for you. Sometimes we move ahead of Him. You could have the right relationship at the wrong time. That is another message for another day. My people! My heart truly aches for this generation. We know so much, but we know nothing.  Thank God that He gave me grace to use wisdom and to make some sound decisions when I was behaving recklessly.  When you are in courtship, you should let God lead you in your convictions. No God doesn’t want you having sex, sharing your bed, and giving your body to someone who isn’t your wife or husband. I know that society tells you that it is okay if you love him and know you are going to marry him. Engaged doesn’t mean married and unfortunately that doesn’t please God. God isn’t trying to punish you. Have you ever thought that He commanded that because He knew all the things we could encounter? Have you ever thought that maybe that it was His way of protecting us even from ourselves?  Sexual sin is one of the only sins that you can commit against your own body. You don’t have to have sex with your partner to keep them. If they love you, they will wait and encourage you along the way. If they do not, then look at it as God’s way of protecting you.

 “Tara, I don’t feel I am having sex with my boo to keep them…Girl I am the one that wants to have sex. I have a high libido. I feel closer to them when we have sex. It gives us a deeper connection”

I have heard all of those before and I urge you to dig deeper for your reason. Maybe it is because it has always been your MO and you are just used to having sex in a relationship. How else will you know that you will be sexually satisfied with someone before you marry. Will you take a used car home from the dealership without test driving?  Your body is not a Benz, Lexus, or Jeep. When God leads you to your mate, they will have everything you desire and require. He is your Creator; He knows the number of hairs on your big head. Surely He can give you someone to satisfy you sexually. He knows your body better than you know. It is called TRUST! Now if you have had sex before marriage, pray that you have every negative soul tie from your past broken. Soul ties were created to be a beautiful thing. However, when your soul is connected to someone God didn’t intend or before the right season, it only complicates things. Ever had that boo that something just keep pulling you back? You can’t seem to move on and you know that it is over or should be? It is probably a soul tie. Before you enter marriage pray that any soul ties you have had in the past is gone. Your spouse will be competing with someone who is no longer in your life. Yet, they could very well be in your bed.  You could think you aren’t sexually satisfied because you experienced better with someone else.  That is why we aren’t supposed to have sex outside the realms of marriage. God wants you to have mind blowing sex within the covenant of marriage. This is important even if you are already married and haven’t done this.

 No sex before marriage will allow you to think more clearly. You can hear clearly about what God is speaking to you about this individual. Sex complicates things and sometimes become anesthesia to the real issues in your relationship. It makes you numb to the problems and allow you to turn a blind eye to things you normally wouldn’t. It is never too late for you to be celibate and decide to wait. Is it harder if you are already engaged in sex?? YES, but thank God that it isn’t impossible. It starts with your decision that you want to experience God’s best in that area of your life. If you are in an intimate relationship already, it may be harder for you to make the decision. However, His grace is sufficient. It will require some effort on your part and putting boundaries in place. If you think you have the greatest relationship now, it will make it that much greater. I must keep it real. Now in some cases, your relationship won’t last. You may start to see things that were once vague. You may not like what you see. You may be afraid of seeing the truth. That could be one of your reasons you haven’t initiated the process yet. Just know that whatever the reasons, this isn’t impossible for you to do. This isn’t just a bunch of bologna and it isn’t the new popular craze. It has been being done for centuries. It is what God desires for your life.

I have found that some of the strongest connections I experienced in past relationships were ones where we chose to honor God with our bodies. It causes you to dig deeper and to face the music sometimes for a song that you don’t want to hear. Yet, it will be one of the greatest decisions you have made in your life. For those of you that have already made that commitment, I am sending you a virtual high five and hug. I know it’s not easy, but the rewards of being obedient to God is much sweeter. Oh, yes! The enemy, will highlight other relationships where you know people are having sex and it appears that they are still being blessed with marriage. Why am I being faithful and all these other people around me have a woman or man? They look happy and I’m still waiting. What is the point of not having sex if everyone still getting the same reward? Marriage isn’t the ultimate reward of being celibate. That is not a promise if you keep yourself. That isn’t the reason you should not have sex. It should be because you want to honor God with your body and commit yourself on another level to Him. Now there are fringe benefits that come along with honoring God, but don’t let it be just for marriage. Why? When you don’t get married right away or waiting for years, it will be hard to continue. It will become easier to leave your decision to be celibate behind in the dust. I didn’t sit down to write about abstaining from sex until marriage. I thought I was going to encourage someone through their season of singleness, but God had another plan. God loves you so much that He interrupted the regular program to share His heart for you. I will post the other blog later. I must always be led and go with His leading.  . This isn’t something that is my personal opinion and that I made up because it sounds good. It is just the Word of God. Even if you don’t believe in Him abstinence really is a great protection plan. It allows  you to focus more on the deeper things in relationships that we don’t always discover until it’s too late. I can truly go on and on, but I just want to start the conversation

I truly want to hear from you all about your thoughts on having sex before marriage. I have received many emails and messages about this topic and keep them coming. I don’t always address them on an open forum unless God leads me, but you will get a response. The conversation about sex is so taboo. If we don’t talk about it, we will continue to be deceived. Let’s talk about sex! 

Tara S. Middleton

 

 

 July 26, 2016

 

When I was only 110-125 lbs for 30 years of my life, people teased me that I was too skinny. “Girl you need to put some weight on those bones!” “A man need some meat to hold onto”. “You are way too little”. I wanted to gain weight because I started believing what everyone was saying. I needed more curves or thicker legs. If only I could get to 135 lbs, then I’ll be good. That was the maximum weight I wanted to be in my life. Then I gained weight after my health challenge, people started telling me that I was too big. “You are going to be huge”. My body has gone through a huge transformation throughout this time. However, I had to not listen to others when it came to how they think I should look.I had to love my  body no matter what it looked like. Whatever goal I set for myself now, is because I am doing it for myself and no one else. After what I have gone through, I’m thankful I’m still living in this body.I am grateful that I am alive. I have to remind myself of that and thank God daily!

It is something that is engraved so much into society now. We often forget that people have to live in these bodies after you leave them with those words. Our words hold weight and even though we say things innocently to someone, it doesn’t mean it won’t affect them. So my point is LOVE YOUR BODY no matter the size or how it is shaped!! If you are currently battling this, each morning go in the mirror and tell yourself “I LOOK GREAT. I LOVE MY BODY”!  Give special attention to the areas that you consider problem areas. Lets call them your sexy or love areas.

If there’s something that you want to work on to be healthier ,it will motivate you to do that. Consult with your physician if you are over 30, and you want to run. Create a workout plan for you. I will be doing another blog about achieving your goal weight, so stay tuned.  Just be sure you are doing it for you and not because of the pile of words that been planted on the inside of you. I decree and declare every negative seed that has been planted to be plucked up and I call crop failure on those seeds. Remember you are fearfully and wonderfully made in His image! Be encouraged you are a overcomer!!!

#lovetheskinyouarein #TransformationTuesday #loveyou#whoareyoulisteningto #EmbraceYou#Thankfulforabody #HappytoBeAlive#motivation #iblog #blogger #inspire#Healthy #healthieryou

June 3, 2016

2:38 AM

 

Tonight I jumped in the shower, well not actually, jump, these past few years I have had to use a shower chair. Doesn’t jump sound so much more interesting than shower chair? I think it does, but that is the author in me. My faith says I will be jumping in the shower any day now and we have to call those things that be not as though they were. Ok so now I’m preaching, but you don’t have to send me an honorarium for that nugget. LOL! So back to my story that was so rudely interrupted by someone who just loves to talk.  Tonight as I jumped (by faith) into the shower. I sensed that I needed to do something different. No I’m not talking about method of me washing this gorgeous hour glass 6 pack body of mine. (If I keep speaking it, it will happen) Usually when I get into the shower late night/early morning, I spend time conversing with My Father. He may be yours, but since this is my story He is mine. We can share though. I decided to do something different. I decided instead of the both of us talking, that He could just talk to me. All I had to do was listen. So I started to wash and just listened to what He Had to share with His beloved daughter. He showed me an image of something in which He wanted to expound. He begins speaking.

Then I said” Oh wow! That is why he said by the next time he sees me……

My Daddy says “You are talking. You weren’t supposed to be talking.

Really? You have a sense of humor tonight. Huh?

“And you still are talking.” he said.

I dared not speak again but wasn’t that some major shade? I just continued to wash and listened. Then my mind started racing to a plethora of different things. I was even thinking about a new shaving technique that I may want to try later today to go to the beach, as I was stepping out of the shower.

Then immediately God says “You are not focused”

I yelled almost at the top of my lungs “I am not focused!”

What is that I should be focused on right now?” I asked

Then immediately simultaneously he told me what it was and my vision board that was hanging nicely on my wall fell to the floor.  It shook me, not in a fearful way, but that I knew He meant business. This was a serious heartfelt matter to him.

The very thing that He had first given me to do wasn’t anywhere on my vision board. I thought I was already doing it. So I didn’t add it to my 2016 vision board, which is separate from my lifetime vision wall.

Then immediately it hit me after hearing God so clear. I had been praying about ideas that God had given me. He already told me that is was so I knew this is the season for those things to be birthed.  I was praying about hindrances, sowing seed, and praising for manifestation of those things.  I wasn’t given much attention to the thing he first assigned me to do. I had lost my focus. My focus had to be redirected. As I typed that last line I remembered God speaking to me about my focus in a nonverbal way.  I woke up in the middle of the night after having a seizure. My vision became very blurry than usual. Then it went black. I couldn’t see for a length of time.  I didn’t let it scare me because I had actually lost my vision previously when the oncologist and neurologist admitted me into the hospital for some testing. Then since then it has happened periodically. However, when my vision started to come back it was different than usual. It was really crazy for me to even describe. I remembered saying that it seemed like my vision was really off focus.

Then aloud I asked “God are you trying to tell me I’m off focused. What is it that I need to be focused on?”

He was speaking to me then, but I didn’t listen obviously. Until now, I debated whether I would tell what it was that I wasn’t focused on like I should be. For a moment, I didn’t want to be completely naked. I don’t mind being naked and unashamed in front of God, but wasn’t too sure if I wanted to be completely naked in front of the world. I wanted a few fig leaves to cover up like Adam and Eve did when they realized they were naked. LOL!!! However, I have to be obedient and that this will hep someone. I wasn’t completely focused on my first assignment as a minister, prophetess, or evangelist or whatever title in which you can identify.  I am not concerned about titles, but just the fruit.  If you walk in that office, the fruit should be evident. I had been focused on it because I was still walking in that part of my purpose. Yet, I wasn’t giving it a 100% like I used to do. I was having a hard time balancing with everything I had to do.  Then on top of that I am fighting the fight of faith for my healing and other areas that healing challenge try to effect and affect. I decree and declare that any areas of my life aren’t affected by it at all! You have to always make sure you are cultivating your gifts. Don’t ever get comfortable and you aren’t giving whatever that thing is that God has called you to do. We should always be improving ourselves.

God has called me to do a lot of things. He has given me many assignments and work to do. I used to ask God was he sure he had the right person and it was so much things that I knew I couldn’t do all of that. He quickly shut me down by telling me that I could do anything through Christ that give me strength. (Philippians 4:13) Besides, I am only the vessel that He chose to do this work through. Yet the first thing that He had assigned me to do, wasn’t anywhere on that vision board.I have to be real and tell you that I started to feel a little frustration the last few weeks. There are things that I have been believing God for years and some a decade and a half. Now the time by itself can cause frustration if I allowed it. However, I grew more frustrated because I knew it was coming from another place as well. The time wasn’t the biggest issue. Then the frustration began to grow because I knew that frustration could cause what you are birthing to stuck right in the birth canal. I knew the enemy can’t stop the plans and purposes God has for my life. However, the devil knows if he can cause me to be frustrated that I could delay my own manifestation. Faith is what is needed to birth what you are believing. Faith and Frustration can’t co-exist because the root of frustration is fear. Fear is the antithesis of faith.

Frustration can set in when you aren’t walking out your purpose.  It is like you have something on the inside of you that you know you should be doing. Sometimes you may not know exactly what it is and then there are times when you do know what it is you should be doing. I now know that was the source of my frustration. It came from me not giving enough focus on me sharing the gospel of Christ and teaching the unadulterated Word of God.  Sometimes you could even think that you should be further along. That is a trick of the enemy. That type of frustration sets in when you start to compare your life to other people. Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! That is the trick of the enemy don’t look at someone else’s life and think you should be where they are now. Why should you be because you are the same age or you are older? Maybe you think you should be married now because you looked around and others are married? You could think that you should have a child by now or more children.  You have to know that you are where you are supposed to be.

Have you been frustrated? Do you feel like things haven’t been holding your attention? Do you feel like you should be further along in life? If you answered yes to any of those questions, it is an indicator that you aren’t focusing on the things in which God desires for you. Have some quiet time with Him and ask Him to show you the area in which you should be focusing. You don’t want to miss your season because your focus is off. Put on your spiritual glasses or contacts so that you can see through the eyes of faith!!

im so focused