We all desire and hope to be in a healthy relationship, not just romantically but also with those around us. Sometimes we are in these relationships so long, we don’t even realize whether or not the relationship is healthy or not. We often live life day to day without recognizing that the relationship we think is healthy is really toxic. Sometimes we live in these toxic relationships so long it becomes our “normal”. However, just because something is normal to you, it doesn’t mean it is right. Toxic relationships are poisonous, harmful, malicious, and can even cause death. There are many signs of a toxic relationship. Today I will give you 4 signs that the relationship that you are engaged in is TOXIC.
You are the only one putting in work in the relationship. A relationship requires two people actively working each day to make it better. It can’t survive off of who has done what in the past, but it matters who is putting work in at this present moment. One person doing all the work will not make a relationship healthy. It will result in you feeling drained. It is like a bank account. If no deposits are being made, then you can’t make a withdrawl unless it will end in the negative. If a person isn’t investing anything in the relationship, then they shouldn’t be enjoying any returns. You deserve a relationship with someone who thinks you are worth making an investment.
You start to lose yourself in the relationship. You wake up one day and realize you don’t know yourself anymore. Maybe you used to do things you loved that you no longer do anymore. You could be less energetic and excited about life. You could have compromised who you were without realizing in order to stay in a relationship. You don’t speak your mind about things that actually bother you because you want to keep peace. A healthy relationship allows you to be yourself. You should be completely comfortable being YOU, and not have to worry whether the other person won’t accept you.
You aren’t allowed to grow or change. Whenever, you start to grow or better yourself, it is viewed negatively, mocked, or even ignored. Your efforts, dreams, or goals aren’t supported or encouraged. Maybe you support them, but nothing you do is acknowledged. They can be critical or judgmental of anything you may do. Personal growth and development should be welcomed and encouraged in a healthy relationship.
The person word and actions often disagree. They tell you one thing, but their actions show another. They could tell you how appreciated you are, but their actions say you have no value to them. They always tell you what they are going to do, but they never perform. Sometimes they will tell you anything for the moment if they feel in danger of you leaving or if you are upset. Then after the storm is over, they are back to doing the same thing over again. Healthy relationships should reflect a person’s word lining up with their actions. Words are powerful, but when the actions show otherwise, it holds no value.
If you can identify with any of those signs, you may want to evaluate your relationship. Here are some questions that you should ponder to help you realize if your relationship is toxic.
- Does the relationship provide an even give-and-take exchange of energy?
- Does this person celebrate my success?
- Am I completely fatigued when I’m with the person and energetic when they’re gone?
- Is my fear of starting over or newness the only thing that is holding me back?
- Do I find myself missing the old me?
- Am I the only one investing in the relationship?
- Do I feel good about myself when I am with this person?
If you find yourself in a toxic relationship, begin to take the steps of being in a healthy relationship. It may not be the easiest thing for you to do, but you are worth it. You have the power to do anything you want to do!!