At some point in life, everyone desires healthy relationships. Relationships on any level, whether it is marriage, dating, or friendship requires some level of attention and work. Many times you desire certain things in relationships, but you go no further than having the desire. There are two major reasons relationships do not work or fail. One is expectations that go unmet and and the other is lack of healthy communication. If you are married, in a relationship, or dating you can benefit from this. If you already have the perfect relationship, there is no harm of being reminded of what is required. So sit back, and join me as we discuss the two most common issues of relationships.
A relationship requires two people actively working toward a common goal. The first mistake done in relationships is that there are no expectations or goals for that relationship. Actually, both parties have expectations and things that they expect. The issue is that these expectations aren’t communicated with both parties. How can a person meet expectations that have never been discussed? Is it fair to an individual not to know what is expected? It is almost like a job. Before someone accepts a position, expectations are laid out. Then you decide whether it is something that you are willing to do or accept. It is not fair to you or the other individual to carry on without knowing expectations. If expectations aren’t discussed, then assumptions are automatically made. Both individuals end up having to guess what the other person is thinking and assumptions are made about what the individual expects from you. We all know what is said about assumptions. It is said that it makes an @$$ out of you and the individual. It really is a recipe for disaster and causes unnecessary stress. If every little thing or repetitive things are discussed, it can become taxing or appearing to be nagging. This is why expectations have to be laid out and communicated to avoid this. It is like you wanting a snack out of the snack machine. You go stand in front of the snack machine and do nothing but hope the machine gives you what it is you want. It doesn’t work this way. If you want a snack, you must first put money into the machine and then press the buttons to select the snack you want. Even putting in money doesn’t guarantee that you are going to get what you want. You have to take the extra step to press the buttons and let the machine know what it is you desire. These are the same practical steps that have to be put into relationships. You must make some kind of investment such as time. Also, make it known to the individual what you desire.
There are appropriate times to discuss these things. You don’t want to take away from the fun times when you are spending time with each other to discuss these things. There need to be times spent when the two of you are just talking. Unfortunately, everyone doesn’t communicate the same way. We all have different love languages. This is another blog by itself, and I will touch that topic soon. Basically, we all don’t communicate the same way. You have to figure out what is the other person’s love language. One person can think they are communicating their affection, love, or interest in one way. However, the other person isn’t getting that message at all. Most of the time the issue is the both of you are COMMUNICATING THE SAME MESSAGE BUT IN A DIFFERENT WAY. You both could simply have different love languages and this is the case in most relationships. The key is discovering your love language as well as the other person. Sometimes you have to compromise and communicate in the other person’s love language. That is why communication is so important if you want a successful relationship. Also your method of communication could be different. When you are married, you have the advantage of living in the same household. With busy schedules, children, and just life itself though, you still may have to plan accordingly. Take time out each night or some point during the day to talk with your spouse about your day. No television, social media, or electronics, but just quality time talking to your spouse.
Some times in relationships, we wait until issues occur to the point we are fed up before talking about things. If you keep sweeping things underneath the rug, then it will just keep piling up. Then one day, you trip up over that pile you been trying to ignore. When you are in a relationship or dating, things may be different for you. Everyone may not be the type of person who likes to talk on the telephone or their phone conversation just may not be that intriguing. If you aren’t usually a person that talks on the phone, you may want to make an effort if you are really interested in making it work. Sometimes it takes more of an effort than just picking up the phone. You may have to actually talk and give your undivided attention beyond the basics of how are you doing today, especially if you are still getting to know each other. If the telephone just isn’t for you, then set up time outside of your regular date night. Take that time and go for coffee or spend it just talking. This is the time that these expectations can be discussed and it won’t interfere with the time that you spend doing fun things. Who knows, you may actually enjoy talking to your partner. Wouldn’t that be something? Dating is a time to ask questions! Discuss your goals, dreams, aspirations, likes, or dislikes. When these conversations are skipped or ignore, then you aren’t really building a foundation. When you do, you will then enjoy the time that you spend together more because you know more about each other beyond the how was your day moments.
Healthy communication is key. By the way healthy communication isn’t occurring when you are yelling or arguing. No one is really listening during these times. Also, just because someone wants to discuss something, that isn’t an argument. That is simply called a discussion. Both people need to communicate not just one. Many guys are not big talkers when it is about issues or communicating their feelings. However, certain things need to be discussed and if those expectations are discussed, you will know each person’s positions on things. Sometimes if a guy hears “we need to talk” line, they are immediately apprehensive. However, I am not just talking about issues, but just regular conversation. Who wants to keep talking about issues all of the time? No one really should because this can be draining. Many of those conversations can be eliminated when discussing your expectations up front like discussed earlier. There are practical things that have to be done when you want a healthy relationship. We take practical steps in everything else in life. You can’t just think that a relationship is going to magically fall in place and things are going to just work because you want them to or even if you prayed about it. You have to put in the work. I have said over and over again. If you don’t put money in the bank, you can’t keep thinking you can make withdrawals. You will eventually be overdrawn. If you aren’t willing to invest, you can’t expect to get a return. Whatever it is that you expect from a relationship, you have to be willing and actually put that into a relationship. Relationships take work and both parties have to be willing to work. This is what separates the wheat from the tare, girls from the women, or boys from the men shall I say. So if you are having any of these issues, just evaluate what it is that you are doing now. If adjustments need to be made, adjust and begin to enjoy your relationship on another level. If you want something you never had, you must do something you have never done.
Are you willing to put in the work for a successful or healthy relationship? Or are you the person just standing in front of the snack machine?