Month: December 2018

Consistency isn’t Constancy

Consistency is key in relationships. It is often though misunderstood with constancy. What does Consistency in a partner look like? It doesn’t mean that you have to be available every time or every second of the day. It doesn’t mean that you have to be absolutely sure of your feelings for each other at every moment. It doesn’t mean that you can’t do anything differently in your schedule that it causes people to not trust you.

Consistency is even in the midst of confusion, conflicting needs or desires, or contradictory feelings that you are still there for the other individual. How does that look in a partner ? It means that you take the time to check in with each other on a regular basis and making yourself available when you are needed. It is also having some sense of commitment to the process of building relationships, getting to know each other, and being with each other.

However, in order to truly be consistent you have to have honesty about where you are in the relationship. You also have to first be honest where you are in your own life In order to be open with the other person. It goes hand in hand like constancy and loyalty. Trust can’t be built in a relationship if there is no consistency.

I have had to let go of budding friendships or relationships because there was nothing present to help me build trust. In some ways it does build trust for the person to know that you aren’t going to really have their back or make them feel like the rug can be pulled under their feet at any moment. That’s not the trust that you want to build in a relationship.

Have you been confusing consistency with constancy? Ask yourself are you being consistent in your relationships? Are you receiving consistency?

❤️ Tara Middleton

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Lessons From the Past

This past couple weeks of my life has been very interesting to say the least. I thought I was being punked at one point and was waiting for Ashton Kutcher to jump out at any minute. Within one week of my life, I had spoken to almost every ex-boyfriend I ever had. I really didn’t realize that it was happening back to back that week. For the most part, I don’t dislike any of my exes. There was something that attracted me to them at one point in my life. I know how to get along and be cordial even to the ones that hurt me deeply. Now there maybe one or two that I also did some damage to their hearts. I am not innocent.

This week gave me an opportunity to really do some introspection and look at myself in all these different relationships. I had some huge realizations to say the least. I am big on being accountable to my part in the relationship. It is my pet peeve for individuals who refuse to be accountable for their actions and try to project their feelings on to another person. I am at a different stage in my life than I was even earlier this year. Some of my perspectives have changed and some have broadened. I was encountering challenges that were actually helped through some of these conversations. I had to face truths and some realities that some of the relationships in my life weren’t what it appeared to be. Some simple truths were discovered that gave closure where I was certain there were no cracks to get in the door.

I said all of that to say this. Be thankful for the relationships that didn’t work in your life. Each one taught you valuable lessons that helped get you where you are today. I learned so many lessons. It helped me also realize why there may be certain things I am not tolerable of today in relationships. I remember I had this silly mindset in one of my relationships. I just knew that I was helping him become a better man for the next woman. I knew already in my heart that it wasn’t going to end the way we both expected.

I think I held on at some point because of all that I had already invested. I thought I deserved to see a harvest on my investment and not let someone else benefit from the seeds I had sown.  I also had other people around me that still had hope that we would still make it because of our friendship. Truth is we are supposed to help each other to become better in relationships. So don’t be silly like I was and stay in something I know wasn’t going to yield happiness. At the end of the day each person I dated, I wanted them to be truly happy even if it wasn’t with me.  Your past relationships has helped prepared you for the ONE whenever you encounter them. When you meet that one, you will be thankful that every other relationship in your life didn’t work out how you thought it should.

♥ Tara Middleton