Dreams Can Become Reality

Tara's Dream. Dream Foundation. Photo: Isaac Hernandez.

As I was sitting watching the old episodes of The Real on YouTube, my telephone rang. It was the Dream Foundation they asked me to fly out in a couple of days to sit in the audience to watch The Real. They had already called to tell me that my dream of meeting Tamar Braxton wasn’t going to take place. However, I was just grateful to sit in the audience where I could see her on my favorite talk show. I had so much opposition that came up to try and stop me from going on this trip. I had less than 24 hours to have someone to accompany me. Everything fell in place and before you knew it I was on the plane headed to L.A. I thank God for Tawanna being able to go with me.  I knew she was the person to go with me. I was excited, but at the same time I was extremely nervous for some reason. This was my first vacation that I really got to go on in 15 years and I was determined to maximize very opportunity on this trip.

It was September 16, 2014, Tuesday morning at 4am. I was so excited about going to see Tamar Braxton from the audience of my favorite talk show, “The Real”! I couldn’t sleep! Could this really be happening? I woke Tawanna up so we could start preparing for the day. I knew that I was supposed to be interviewed by Dream Foundation and to lunch with some of the philanthropists before heading to Warner Brother Studios so that I could be feet away from Tamar Braxton and of course I wanted to see the other ladies as well. After finally choosing my outfit for the day, I nervously got dressed. We went downstairs to meet Tristan and Issac. They both were going to escort us for today. Tristan was the one to interview me and Issac was the photographer and videographer for the day. I instantly fell in love with Tristan’s personality. He was so energetic and full of life. Issac also had a heart of gold. After our initial interview, we went downstairs to meet Curtis my driver for the day. I walked outside the hotel and there was a black stretch limousine. I knew that I was going to enjoy what the rest of the day had in store. We arrived at Olive and Thyme to meet Danny and Lynnette from Dream Foundation. We enjoyed our lunch as we chatted to get to know more about each other. They gave me a heart stone as a gift to remind me about the lunch and the day my dream was to come true.

Tara's Dream. Dream Foundation. Photo: Isaac Hernandez.

Finally we were pulling up to Warner Brother Studios. I was dancing inside and trying to remain calm on the outside. I felt like a kid in a candy store. After checking into the security gate, we pulled up right in front of the studio. We were greeted by a security guard who was asking for me by name. She told me that I would be going to Green Room 1 while waiting for the show to start. We walked into the green room where there was a couch, a couple of wing chairs, a table full of snacks, a refrigerator full of drinks, and a bathroom. I wondered what celebrity had been inside this green-room. The producers met us to let us know the show was starting late and that I was the only audience member that got to wait in a green-room instead of the 110 degree California sun. Every time the door opened my heart jumped. I knew they told me that I wouldn’t get to me Tamar, but a girl could only wish. Once the show was ready to start. We were escorted to the audience to sit on the purple couch, the seats that I secretly wanted to sit. Vincent Herbert walked out and sat with the other producers only 5 feet away from us. The theme song started playing and out walked Adrienne Baillon, Jeannie Mai, Loni Love, Tamera Mowry-Housley, and my girl Tamar Braxton-Herbert!!! I have never been a start struck person. However, I was so hyped to see Tamar and Vince. Tristan and Tawanna both looked at me to see my reaction. During the taping of the show, one of the producers told me that she was trying to arrange a picture with Tamar after the show. I was even more excited. I didn’t believe I had this much emotion behind seeing her in person. After one of the segments, the crew started preparing for another segment. I suddenly grew nervous. I tapped Tawanna and told her that I was extremely nervous. She just smiled and said “You will be okay”.

Tara's Dream. Dream Foundation. Photo: Isaac Hernandez.

They were finally starting the segment. Tamera started talking about Dream Foundation and about a letter sent in to them. Then all I heard was “Tara Middleton we are talking about you. You thought you were going to be in the audience, but girl you are going to be on the show”. I walked on stage, but at the moment I am sure you could see my heart jumping through my blazer. I hugged Tamar for a long time and didn’t let her go. They interviewed me and they surprised me to go window shopping. I was really overwhelmed. Everything seemed surreal. I appreciated all the gifts they gave me, However, the most touching moment for me was when Tamar gave me her very first Chanel bag that she bought when she was 18 years old. I cried at that moment and was in shock that my dream was actually was coming true before my eyes. My dream became my reality. I know it’s only because of God that this happened. Tamar was so sincere and you could tell that she really cared. She is very down to earth and not at all how media makes her appear. She is very humble and was just as elated to meet me as I was to meet her. I will treasure those moments that we shared.

Tara's Dream. Dream Foundation. Photo: Isaac Hernandez.

I have read a lot of negativity in social media about Tamar giving me this bag and why she didn’t pay my medical bills or bought a new bag. I knew she was sincere and that it was done from her heart. She honestly don’t owe me anything. She didn’t have to give me one thing. Yet, she gave me something that was special to her and it was much thought behind the gift. I was happy that she just accepted my dream of allowing me to meet her. Every Thursday I would watch Tamar “Braxton Family Values” or “Tamar and Vince”. It was my time to laugh to tune everything else out and gave me a way to escape what I am battling. This surprise came to me at a time in my life when I needed it the most. I honestly forgot ever gift that was given to me. I was just elated that I got the gist of meeting someone that meant so much to me. I was also happy for the opportunity to let her know how much she has helped me in during my battle. It is amazing the things that God will use to bring a smile on your face or happiness. God used Tamar Braxton-Herbert to encourage me.  Tamar inspired me to continue to fulfill my purpose of helping others discover their purpose.

Tara's Dream. Dream Foundation. Photo: Isaac Hernandez.

I am so thankful to everyone who was involved with helping my dream become my reality. Saying thank you doesn’t seem hardly enough. My life was forever changed through that experience.  Although I was excited about my dream becoming reality, I was really nervous after returning home from the taping of the show. It was the first time that I really shared and opened up about my battling brain cancer. I had been going through so much, and a lot I have had to keep very private. How would people react now that everyone know? I have already dealt with so much negativity about my battle from people ,I wasn’t sure I was ready.  However, I know that everything is purposed and nothing happens by chance. I was assured that this was the time that was set for me to share my story. If one person could be inspired or encouraged, it was worth me sharing. Who would have known that from me watching Braxton Family Values that it would have led me to meet my Tamar Braxton-Herbert and it would allow me to share my battle to encourage someone else in the world? Don’t let go of your dreams! Don’t stop fighting through whatever is that you are facing. Keep going! Keep smiling! Your life has purpose! There is treasure that lies on the inside of you waiting to be discovered. Talents, gifts, and greatness lies within you! Do not leave any treasure undiscovered!

Tara's Dream. Dream Foundation. Photo: Isaac Hernandez.

 

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Miracles Still Happen

A couple of weeks ago I was in Wal-Mart rushing trying to get out the store because I wasn’t feeling my best. As I passed by the jewelry department, I noticed a lady with her back turned to me. She resembled a lady I use to live next door when I was five years old. I wasn’t very sure because it was so many years ago. I heard the Holy Spirit tell me to stop so I did. I tapped her on her shoulder and she turned around. Are you Mrs. Sara I asked? Yes, who are you she replied. I told her who I was and she didn’t remember me all that much, but my mom after asking to see a picture. We talked about how she was doing and what was going on in her life. She told me she was scheduled for open heart surgery on September 2. The doctors told her she had her huge hole in her heart from an aneurysm in her heart. She told me that she knew God was giving her a 2nd chance at life because they told her that she had this for a while and didn’t know. She could tell that I wasn’t feeling my best, so she asked me what was going on with me. Instead of focusing on how I was feeling. I took it as an opportunity to minister to her about faith and believing God for healing. I told her that God could heal her and she wouldn’t even need the surgery. She was honest and said that her faith wasn’t where mine was, but she agreed for me to pray for her. She thought I was going to pray for her once I left, but I asked could I pray for her right there in the store. We prayed and people just continued to walk by. I gave her a hug and told her to be encouraged. I gave her my card and told her to contact me if she needed.

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This morning as I was preparing to start my day my phone rang from an unfamiliar number. I answered it reluctantly. I heard a voice on the other end. She said “Tara this is Sara who you prayed for in Wal- Mart. I called to give you good news this morning. I was in a car accident and had to come to hospital in Columbia”. I was thinking I hope this gets better. She continued,“They did a scan of my heart because of the aneurysm. They don’t understand what has happened. The whole in my heart is gone and there is no signs of an aneurysm.” she said. Tears just flowed from my eyes because she was so excited. The doctors had just gave her the news and she wanted to let me know. The doctors was confused because they didn’t have an explanation. She told them she knew. She told them about our encounter and asked to call me. She had my card with her at the hospital. She thanked me for my faith and for praying for her. I told her that it was no one but GOD and He is the only ONE that needed to be thanked. I just continued to praise God on the phone and forgot about her for a moment. She interrupted me by asking me if I would please put it on my website because she didn’t have the internet to do it herself. She wanted me to share her miracle!!! If you are going through something that man think is impossible, I challenge you to simply believe God!! He is able to do anything. (Jeremiah 32:27 says, Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh: is there any thing too hard for me?) The answer is NO, there is nothing too hard for God!! There is power in prayer and we should pray for one another.  I am elated that she got her miracle, her faith was increased, and most importantly God is being glorified !!! Share your miracle or testimony how God has blessed you!! You never know who needs to hear your story!

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I Thought He Was My Husband

“God, how can this be happening?” I cried aloud. I was sitting in the airport crying my eyes out because I just found out that the man I was going to marry was planning to propose to another woman. I was completely devastated. In 2002, I ended the longest relationship I had ever been in, so that I could focus on God and what it was He had created me to do. I recommitted myself to God and vowed to remain abstinent until I married the man I was destined to marry. I had no desire for a relationship until I met this guy. We got to know each other and spent a lot of time together. I thought I was ready for a relationship again especially since I heard God tell me that this is the guy I was supposed to marry. I had several people around me who confirmed this for me. God shared  certain things my husband would possess prior to me meeting him. He held many of those qualities. He was everything I thought I wanted and most importantly He had a sincere relationship with God. I never told him I thought I would marry him one day. I just continued to focus on getting to know him and build our relationship. . Well one night, I found out he was spending significant time with another girl who he had planned to ask to be his wife. I was devastated. I started questioning everything I thought I heard God say. I reflected and realized I was even more hurt because I started treating him like a husband already and he only viewed me as an option. He never identified me as his wife. Had I misinterpreted what God spoke to me about him?  Maybe I allowed people to speak to me about who my husband was and wasn’t really listening to God on the matter. I was just so excited about the possibility that I the tuned God out of the equation. I was so embarrassed by the situation that I didn’t even want to face anyone. I wanted to go hide underneath a rock.

As a Christian woman who loves God, I have not always made the right decisions in my life. To be honest, I’m not proud of everything, but it has made me who I am today. I didn’t plan on sharing this until God placed it on my heart a few days ago. Ladies, we have to be careful to not let our emotions cloud our judgment. Often we can think the man in our life is supposed to be the one that we marry without God confirming that. We have to really seek God and know that he is the one God has sent. I considered myself to have a close relationship with God, but I obviously missed it in that area. If a guy wants to marry you and believes he is your husband, he will communicate that in more ways than one way. His actions and his words will line up with His Word. You won’t have to second guess whether it’s the person God has for you. GOD WILL SPEAK TO BOTH OF YOU!!!  I had to accept my part in this as well. I couldn’t blame him entirely because I wanted something so much that I made it something it really wasn’t. You don’t give a man husband treatment when he isn’t on that level yet. It will only cause you hurt and disappointment. In my heart I viewed him as my husband, and I started treating him as such. As woman we are nurturers by nature, but allow God to lead you in EVERYTHING. I didn’t break my abstinence vow to God. I wasn’t trying to go back down a road God already delivered me from. However, in every other way I was acting as someone I wasn’t in his life. I also had to put limits on that relationship. So often we don’t change the parameters of a relationship and think that it won’t affect us. We can’t allow random guys hold significant places in our lives… You don’t have to treat someone like your husband just because you want him to be. You don’t have to give your body to a man to keep him around. You are a rare ruby and God has place treasure on the inside of you. That is what should attract your mate. Don’t occupy space in your life with random men. Put on your running shoes and run from those guys who has been sent as a distraction. Instead, run to God.  Focus on God and allow Him to reveal you to your husband in due time. It is important that you have people in your life that can hold you accountable and with whom you can be transparent. One of the reasons I started Rare Rubies is so that women can have other women that they can share and encourage one another in God. We can uplift each other. Spend time with women who have the same goal. I have friends who go on dates and ask me to call them at a certain time to make sure their date has ended. They know that after a certain time that they are liable to want to do things. You have to be honest about where you are in you walk.  It is possible to live our lives for Christ and not be focused on a relationship that isn’t relevant in your life. I know it’s possible because I’m walking that out in my life currently. It has been 12 years that I am waiting on the husband God has for me, and I refuse to settle or be distracted by any imposters.

If any of you find yourself in that place, don’t be afraid to reach out. You can email me at iamareruby@gmail.com or contact me through https://iamarareruby.com/contact-me/.

Tara Middleton

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Where is My Boaz?

This time of year seems to be the season of weddings. Everyone seems to be getting married. As a single woman who has been single for years now, I know how this season can be for my single and waiting sisters. I know firsthand how that feeling can be, especially when there aren’t even any prospects. We can be like “God, what is going on? Where is my Boaz?” I know you may be tired of hearing “You have plenty of time! He’s coming!” How many of you have heard this over and over again? Sometimes you are thinking plenty of time for what? These are all things that even a saved single, still gets tired of hearing. Let’s be real! Instead of being encouraging it can often be discouraging or even agitating at times.

Sisters you can’t get anxious and decide to put matters into your own hand. Don’t casually date random guys just so you can have companionship. Don’t just go to dinner with a guy because someone tells you “At least it’s a free dinner!” No that dinner is not free, you are paying for it one way or another. I wouldn’t want to waste my valuable time with a random guy that you know isn’t going to go anywhere. You want the guy that God has just for you. You don’t want to play games with a guy. Don’t just keep him around so if you are bored you will have someone to call or something to do. Get rid of some of those numbers out your phone that you may be tempted to call or text when you get lonely. We don’t like guys playing around with us, and we should do the same in return. I recently saw some videos on Facebook where girls was proposing to their guys. Ladies we should not be getting on our knees to ask a man to marry us. The man God has for you will be the priest, prophet, and protector of your home. He is supposed to be the head and the leader. If he doesn’t ask you to be his wife, he isn’t trying to be your head or lead you anywhere for that matter. Don’t try to make something work just because you are tired of waiting or want him to be the one. Don’t try and flaunt yourself in front of a guy in whom you are interested. I was listening to a famous actress share how she used twitter to get her guy’s attention. Don’t go liking all of a guy’s old pictures from 2002 in order to get him to notice you. Let God be the author of your love story and not yourself. He is the Master of Creation, allow Him to be creative in how He places you with your mate.

Let this season of your life, be where you start working on the things God has designed you or purposed for you to do. Take this time to complete some of your goals. If you don’t know what it is that you are purposed to do, start there. Spend time seeking what you were purposed to do. I was in a serious relationship that I ended because I wanted to know what it was God wanted me to do. I wanted to be able to give God 100% before giving a man a 100% of me. I wanted to see if we had similar visions for our lives. If not, there would eventually be a split in the road somewhere. It has been 12 years since I did that, and yes I’m still waiting for my Boaz. I have had a couple of imposters or people who I thought may have been. I thank God that He is protecting me and preserving me for my husband. I found that during this time of singleness I have been able to serve God in a way, that if I was married I wouldn’t be able to do without certain challenges. Don’t become impatient. It will leave you hurt. Don’t give pieces of your heart to all the random guys that don’t matter. You should give your whole heart to the man God has for you not the pieces left over. Give your heart to God and He will cover and protect it for your mate. He will be worth the wait, God will not disappoint you. Remember anything worth having is worth the wait. Rejoice with your sisters or brothers who has found their mates. Never allow jealousy to set in your heart. Don’t allow society to put the “My biological tock is clicking” thought in your head or your vocabulary! God is in control and He will make sure your Boaz will wake up on time and he won’t oversleep. Meanwhile, make sure you are working out your purpose and getting prepared for the presentation!

 

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Are you sharing your gift?

Have you been going through any challenges lately? Do you know anyone going through any challenges? Often times you don’t think about the people going through things in the world you may not now and sometimes not even the people that you may know. I was sitting listening to the young girl who lost her arm due to a shark attack while surfing. Can you imagine the challenges she faced? Being afraid of water, sharks, and surfing? Trying to function with one arm? However, this young girl persevered and faced all of her fears and she is now one of the world’s best surfers. She focused on giving back and helping others in spite of her own struggles. Many people can stand to learn a lesson from this young lady. She overcame more challenges from that one trial that many of you have faced in a lifetime. Sometimes you can be stuck just inside your own world that you fail to see those who could be suffering next to you. I’m working a full time job! I’m married! I have children! I’m busy in ministry! Any of these sound familiar? These are just a few of the things I have heard or been guilty of saying myself at times. Truth remains you make time for the things that you deem important. If you stop for a second and get your eyes off of your problems, maybe you can help someone else with theirs. What if your encouraging words, phone call, errand, finances, or even just a hug could strengthen someone for the journey? What if you were the solution or answer to someone’s problems? Sometimes it only takes a few minutes. One of the ways that I get through my challenges is helping other people. It doesn’t matter what capacity as long as it’s within my power or ability to do. I actually prayed years ago that God made me a solution to a particular class of people in society. I am not perfect and I am not a saint. However, I have learned through my challenge how to be victorious no matter what situation I may be facing .I desire for those around me and others to be to be victorious as well. Stop focusing on your own problems and all the reasons you told yourself you CAN’T help. Focus on what you CAN do! Your problems won’t seem as big when you realize that there are people who may be dealing with much more than you. Have you lost an arm lately? Are you fighting for your life? Are you able to get up and dress yourself? Are you able to walk without assistance? Are you able to go to a job and work? Are you breathing on your own? I am not trying to belittle your trials, but I want you to be grateful for the things you don’t have to fight for day by day. Reach out beyond yourself and help someone else. Everyone has been given some kind of gift or talent. Are you sharing your gift? Gifts are supposed to be shared with others, not just for yourself. Remember treasure lies on the inside of you, do not let it go undiscovered!

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Signs of a Toxic Relationship

We all desire and hope to be in a healthy relationship, not just romantically but also with those around us. Sometimes we are in these relationships so long, we don’t even realize whether or not the relationship is healthy or not. We often live life day to day without recognizing that the relationship we think is healthy is really toxic. Sometimes we live in these toxic relationships so long it becomes our “normal”. However, just because something is normal to you, it doesn’t mean it is right. Toxic relationships are poisonous, harmful, malicious, and can even cause death. There are many signs of a toxic relationship. Today I will give you 4 signs that the relationship that you are engaged in is TOXIC.

You are the only one putting in work in the relationship. A relationship requires two people actively working each day to make it better. It can’t survive off of who has done what in the past, but it matters who is putting work in at this present moment. One person doing all the work will not make a relationship healthy. It will result in you feeling drained. It is like a bank account. If no deposits are being made, then you can’t make a withdrawl unless it will end in the negative. If a person isn’t investing anything in the relationship, then they shouldn’t be enjoying any returns. You deserve a relationship with someone who thinks you are worth making an investment.

You start to lose yourself in the relationship. You wake up one day and realize you don’t know yourself anymore. Maybe you used to do things you loved that you no longer do anymore. You could be less energetic and excited about life. You could have compromised who you were without realizing in order to stay in a relationship. You don’t speak your mind about things that actually bother you because you want to keep peace. A healthy relationship allows you to be yourself. You should be completely comfortable being YOU, and not have to worry whether the other person won’t accept you.

You aren’t allowed to grow or change. Whenever, you start to grow or better yourself, it is viewed negatively, mocked, or even ignored. Your efforts, dreams, or goals aren’t supported or encouraged. Maybe you support them, but nothing you do is acknowledged. They can be critical or judgmental of anything you may do. Personal growth and development should be welcomed and encouraged in a healthy relationship.

The person word and actions often disagree. They tell you one thing, but their actions show another. They could tell you how appreciated you are, but their actions say you have no value to them. They always tell you what they are going to do, but they never perform. Sometimes they will tell you anything for the moment if they feel in danger of you leaving or if you are upset. Then after the storm is over, they are back to doing the same thing over again. Healthy relationships should reflect a person’s word lining up with their actions. Words are powerful, but when the actions show otherwise, it holds no value.

If you can identify with any of those signs, you may want to evaluate your relationship. Here are some questions that you should ponder to help you realize if your relationship is toxic.

  • Does the relationship provide an even give-and-take exchange of energy?
  • Does this person celebrate my success?
  • Am I completely fatigued when I’m with the person and energetic when they’re gone?
  • Is my fear of starting over or newness the only thing that is holding me back?
  • Do I find myself missing the old me?
  • Am I the only one investing in the relationship?
  • Do I feel good about myself when I am with this person?

If you find yourself in a toxic relationship, begin to take the steps of being in a healthy relationship. It may not be the easiest thing for you to do, but you are worth it. You have the power to do anything you want to do!!

Common Mistakes in Relationships

At some point in life, everyone desires healthy relationships. Relationships on any level, whether it is marriage, dating, or friendship requires some level of attention and work. Many times you desire certain things in relationships, but you go no further than having the desire. There are two major reasons relationships do not work or fail. One is expectations that go unmet and and the other is lack of healthy communication. If you are married, in a relationship, or dating you can benefit from this. If you already have the perfect relationship, there is no harm of being reminded of what is required. So sit back, and join me as we discuss the two most common issues of relationships.

A relationship requires two people actively working toward a common goal. The first mistake done in relationships is that there are no expectations or goals for that relationship. Actually, both parties have expectations and things that they expect. The issue is that these expectations aren’t communicated with both parties. How can a person meet expectations that have never been discussed? Is it fair to an individual not to know what is expected? It is almost like a job. Before someone accepts a position, expectations are laid out. Then you decide whether it is something that you are willing to do or accept. It is not fair to you or the other individual to carry on without knowing expectations. If expectations aren’t discussed, then assumptions are automatically made. Both individuals end up having to guess what the other person is thinking and assumptions are made about what the individual expects from you. We all know what is said about assumptions. It is said that it makes an @$$ out of you and the individual. It really is a recipe for disaster and causes unnecessary stress. If every little thing or repetitive things are discussed, it can become taxing or appearing to be nagging. This is why expectations have to be laid out and communicated to avoid this. It is like you wanting a snack out of the snack machine. You go stand in front of the snack machine and do nothing but hope the machine gives you what it is you want. It doesn’t work this way. If you want a snack, you must first put money into the machine and then press the buttons to select the snack you want. Even putting in money doesn’t guarantee that you are going to get what you want. You have to take the extra step to press the buttons and let the machine know what it is you desire. These are the same practical steps that have to be put into relationships. You must make some kind of investment such as time. Also, make it known to the individual what you desire.

There are appropriate times to discuss these things. You don’t want to take away from the fun times when you are spending time with each other to discuss these things. There need to be times spent when the two of you are just talking. Unfortunately, everyone doesn’t communicate the same way. We all have different love languages. This is another blog by itself, and I will touch that topic soon. Basically, we all don’t communicate the same way. You have to figure out what is the other person’s love language. One person can think they are communicating their affection, love, or interest in one way. However, the other person isn’t getting that message at all. Most of the time the issue is the both of you are COMMUNICATING THE SAME MESSAGE BUT IN A DIFFERENT WAY. You both could simply have different love languages and this is the case in most relationships. The key is discovering your love language as well as the other person. Sometimes you have to compromise and communicate in the other person’s love language. That is why communication is so important if you want a successful relationship. Also your method of communication could be different. When you are married, you have the advantage of living in the same household. With busy schedules, children, and just life itself though, you still may have to plan accordingly. Take time out each night or some point during the day to talk with your spouse about your day. No television, social media, or electronics, but just quality time talking to your spouse.

Some times in relationships, we wait until issues occur to the point we are fed up before talking about things. If you keep sweeping things underneath the rug, then it will just keep piling up. Then one day, you trip up over that pile you been trying to ignore. When you are in a relationship or dating, things may be different for you. Everyone may not be the type of person who likes to talk on the telephone or their phone conversation just may not be that intriguing. If you aren’t usually a person that talks on the phone, you may want to make an effort if you are really interested in making it work. Sometimes it takes more of an effort than just picking up the phone. You may have to actually talk and give your undivided attention beyond the basics of how are you doing today, especially if you are still getting to know each other. If the telephone just isn’t for you, then set up time outside of your regular date night. Take that time and go for coffee or spend it just talking. This is the time that these expectations can be discussed and it won’t interfere with the time that you spend doing fun things. Who knows, you may actually enjoy talking to your partner. Wouldn’t that be something? Dating is a time to ask questions! Discuss your goals, dreams, aspirations, likes, or dislikes. When these conversations are skipped or ignore, then you aren’t really building a foundation. When you do, you will then enjoy the time that you spend together more because you know more about each other beyond the how was your day moments.

Healthy communication is key. By the way healthy communication isn’t occurring when you are yelling or arguing. No one is really listening during these times. Also, just because someone wants to discuss something, that isn’t an argument. That is simply called a discussion. Both people need to communicate not just one. Many guys are not big talkers when it is about issues or communicating their feelings. However, certain things need to be discussed and if those expectations are discussed, you will know each person’s positions on things. Sometimes if a guy hears “we need to talk” line, they are immediately apprehensive. However, I am not just talking about issues, but just regular conversation. Who wants to keep talking about issues all of the time? No one really should because this can be draining. Many of those conversations can be eliminated when discussing your expectations up front like discussed earlier. There are practical things that have to be done when you want a healthy relationship. We take practical steps in everything else in life. You can’t just think that a relationship is going to magically fall in place and things are going to just work because you want them to or even if you prayed about it. You have to put in the work. I have said over and over again. If you don’t put money in the bank, you can’t keep thinking you can make withdrawals. You will eventually be overdrawn. If you aren’t willing to invest, you can’t expect to get a return. Whatever it is that you expect from a relationship, you have to be willing and actually put that into a relationship. Relationships take work and both parties have to be willing to work. This is what separates the wheat from the tare, girls from the women, or boys from the men shall I say. So if you are having any of these issues, just evaluate what it is that you are doing now. If adjustments need to be made, adjust and begin to enjoy your relationship on another level. If you want something you never had, you must do something you have never done.

Are you willing to put in the work for a successful or healthy relationship? Or are you the person just standing in front of the snack machine?

They Aren’t That Interested in You

Are they really interested in me? Is she just shy? Maybe he doesn’t like talking on the telephone? Could she really be this busy? These are all questions that I am sure we all have asked at some point in getting to know someone and trying to answer that complicated question…Is she or he really interested in me??? The truth is that question shouldn’t be so complicated to answer. It is actually very simple. We make it complicated because sometimes we become invested or make excuses for the individual in question. There are many signs that will show you a person isn’t interested. Let’s talk about a 7 of those signs that will tell you they aren’t really that interested in you.

  1. He or she communicates via text or email more than talking to you on the phone or in person. Yes, we are in this new century where texting or emailing is the primary way of communicating. However, you truly can’t get to know someone through text or email. After you get to know someone maybe this is okay, but I am an old school woman and prefer phone calls or in person rather than texting. This person has no interest of really getting to know you if most of communicating is through text or email. Also, this allows the individual not to really give you undivided time and attention. He or she could be on a date for all you know.
  2. If they are still hooking up with other men or women. Really to me this should be a given. Apparently, it is not! If they are still seeing other people, they aren’t really that interested in you. They are still in a stage where maybe some level of interest is there, but they aren’t interested enough in just seeing you. Recognize it and don’t allow them to treat you like an option.
  3. They contact you at a time where they don’t expect you to respond. Maybe they will call you early in the morning or late when they assume you are sleep, while you are working, or they know you will be occupied. Maybe even when you return their call they aren’t able to answer. They just want to be able to say they called you so you will think they want to talk to you. Truth is if they really wanted to talk to you,they would contact you at a time when they know you will be available. Watch out for this!
  4. They put little time in planning your date. They call you last minute or short notice. This means they assume that you have nothing else to do and you wouldn’t turn them down. Also, you are probably not the first option. They could have had plans with someone else that could be cancelled and now need something to do. This individual is not really interested in you. You are just another number in their book. A person who is interested in you will make future plans with you.
  5. You are always the one initiating communication or dates. Are you the one doing all the calling or reaching out? If they are interested in you, there will be even exchange of communication initiating. If they are only returning your call or responding to your text, they just aren’t that interested in you. It is obvious that you are interested because you are the one reaching out. If someone is interested in you, your phone should be ringing at some point.
  6. They are always busy. It doesn’t matter how busy someone maybe. The truth is people make time for the things they want. If someone is interested in you, they will make the time to spend time with you. If someone is too busy to respond to a text, return your call, or schedule a date with you, they aren’t interested in you. You want someone who will make time to talk to you or spend time with you.
  7. They aren’t consistent. Maybe you spend time with them. Then you don’t hear from them until a week or days later. They may call you for a while and then they stop. You may notice a change in their pattern or behavior with you. Do not ignore this! When someone is interested in you they will be consistent with you.

Listen guys and gals! When someone is really interested in you, they will constantly show signs that they are interested. If you have to ask whether they are interested, they are probably not interested in you. Do not waste your time and invest more into something that really isn’t there. Do not make excuses for a person or allow them to give you excuses that you know aren’t true. A person’s words should line up with their actions. If any of these signs sound familiar, RUN! You deserve someone who consistently shows you that you are their person of interest. Don’t be so thirsty that you accept any attention you are given. You deserve the best and you are worth more than that.

Love Is Not

I am not going to make this a long post. It will be short, sweet, and to the point. It amazes me that so many use the word “love” and yet not really know the meaning of that word. You often hear many people throwing around the word ”love”. It could be to a significant other, family member, friend, co-worker, etc. Actually, it’s been used so much people use it with people they don’t love. Sometimes you expect to see that word improperly used, especially accompanied by youth who think they are in love with a young woman or young man. However, I don’t expect to see it as much in people who confess that they are followers of Christ. It disheartens me to see that in the Body of Christ. We are the ones who should be examples of what it really means to love and not the ones who should be shown how to love.

1 Corinthian 13: 4-8 (Amplified)

4 Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily.

5 It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].

6 It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail.

7 Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].

8 Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end]. As for prophecy ([d]the gift of interpreting the divine will and purpose), it will be fulfilled and pass away; as for tongues, they will be destroyed and cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away [it will lose its value and be superseded by truth].

This is the real meaning of love. Yet, what I have been seeing that many having being perceiving as love seems to be selfish. We can’t insist what we want for others over what they desire or what God desires for them. Love is not loving someone only when they can offer you things that you want without you ever giving. Love is not rude and says things to purposefully hurt people. Love is not controlling or manipulating a person to get them to do what you want them to do. Love is not turning your back on others at the drop of a dime. Love is not eagerly waiting for the downfall or failures of others. Love is not tearing others down instead of building one another. If this is the so called “love” that we are showing to others, it is only doing more damage. Love is not only a word. Love is indeed an action, but be sure that the right actions are following your words. Do some introspection and see whether you showing love or what love is not.

Is it Worth It?

I believe many of us are in a place right now where we are waiting on the manifestation of a promise in our lives. I’m sure it hasn’t been the easiest process! For some of you, I’m sure it’s been the most challenging. Giving birth to our desires, dreams, and goals are similar to a woman giving birth in the natural. The first few months of the pregnancy no one may even know you are expecting. As time grows you start to show more and you become more uncomfortable. You go through changes that you normally don’t experience. As time progresses, you start carrying the weight of that baby. The closer the mother gets to the time of delivery the more uncomfortable she gets. Then the water breaks and the labor pains increase. It’s the same for us as we are giving birth to those dreams, desires, and goals that we have been carrying for so long. It may seem as things have been more challenging and it can be one of the most difficult times that you have been experiencing. Now is not the time to allow your fears, doubts, insecurities, anxieties, or worries to stop you from birthing what you desire. Don’t allow the enemy to fool you and convince you to throw in the towel now. The closer you are to victory, the more pressure you start to feel. The enemy wants you to believe it’s not going to happen and it’s no use for you to hold on to these dreams anymore. Keep pushing; you are only one push away. Once it is birthed, all of the pain that you experienced will seem minimal to the blessing that you now have. So don’t let the enemy mess with your mind by asking you “Is it worth it?” Yes it is worth the wait! Things can shift in your favor overnight. Wake up every day thinking today is the day that the promise is manifesting for me! Today is my set time for favor!