encouragement

Why Am I Not Married?

 

Many women are waiting on their spouses. Some of them have become weary in the process. I am seeing it everywhere I go. Usually women that are already married pass on the advice “He’s coming, just be patient and content.” You also hear “As soon as I became content, that is when my husband came to me” Now the intentions may definitely be to encourage and came from a good heart. Truth is that it’s not always encouraging and can tend to have the opposite effect. Sometimes after being married, women may not always remember what it was like when the shoe was on the other foot. I will be honest. They really feel like you are going home and getting in bed to sleep next to your man, so you it is easy for you to say “Just be content, he is coming”. Lack of transparency is missing sometimes in these situations. Now hear me correctly, I’m not saying we should just go tell our business to everyone. You have to be led and know to whom you are speaking. They need to hear how it was not the easiest process for you and what you did to really make it through. Single women have been told so much about being content in their singleness and their husband will come. Content is a state of peaceful happiness. However, the wrong Idea has been put into these women about being content. Content doesn’t mean that you no longer have the desire for marriage. God will not give you a desire for marriage and then tell you it’s wrong to have the desire. Psalms 108:8 “God will perfect those things that concerns you” If you have a concern about wanting to be married, then God is concerned about it as well. He will perfect the things that concerns you. If you aren’t married yet, it doesn’t mean that God doesn’t care about you being married. He wants to have your heart first. He wants to be more than enough for you. He is a jealous God. He loves you so much that He wants your attention first and He wants to be the one to make you smile and happy. That is the heart of God. Women also say “I’m lonely, and I feel alone.” Well marriage isn’t the answer to being alone. You have women who are married and they still feel alone in a marriage. Marriage isn’t the ultimate goal. You get married and now what? There is more in life to achieve.

I have been single and in waiting for almost 15 years now. I have gotten to a place where it doesn’t affect me greatly any more. Now at one time it wasn’t the easiest process when I had every one of my friends getting married around me and some of those friendships changed of course because their spouses are number one priority. I truly had to celebrate with them and then during my time with God I praised for my husband. However, I was in a relationship and I was in love and he was in love with me. I knew marriage was an option for us and it was the next steps we were going to take. One day he was telling me how much he loved me and that he couldn’t wait to have all of me. We were on a family vacation, but when I got home back in my apartment at college, I immediately fell to my knees. Bags weren’t unpacked or anything. I prayed and said “God, I’m sorry. How can I give this man all of me and I haven’t given you all of me? I don’t really know who I am in You. I know you called me into ministry, but I don’t’ know anything about my assignment” I went on a fast immediately and was led to end the relationship. It was one of the hardest things I had to do because he treated me like a queen. I couldn’t find anything wrong with him to make me more comfortable with the decision. I knew that I needed to dedicate a 100% of myself to God and discover my purpose in Him. That is why one of the things I stress through Rare Rubies is for women to know who you are in Him before you allow someone to pursue you in a relationship. If I married that man like I was, I would have wrecked his life. I wasn’t fit to be anyone’s wife. I fasted for almost 9 months. I was in the Word at least 12 hours a day and in prayer sometimes for 24 hours. I was determined to know my purpose and to be prepared for the work God has called me to do. I am not saying that you should lock yourself in a room for 24 hours like I did at times to pray and study to find your purpose. My only reason for mentioning that is to show you how determined I was to find out my assignment. You can’t find out your purpose without going to the one who created you. He is the only one that will fill the void that you have if you are lonely. Listen that is not just for the single women, but it is for the engaged and married woman. Your husband should complement you not complete you. I do understand that sometimes women don’t really mean complete, but you have to be careful what you say. You may understand what you are saying, but the next woman may not. We have to be our sister’s keeper.

I also I took the time and allowed God to show me how to be wife. One of the things that God had me to do was to get up every morning while it was still dark to pray for my husband, who had not found me yet, before his day starts. Yes, I thought God was crazy at first and me to for listening. However, that wasn’t just for my husband, but it was to build me as well. Fourteen years later, I still do that. Its’s not just out of obedience, but it’s because I love Him. Proverbs 18:22 “He that finds a wife, finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord”. Many woman think that being married is going to transform them into a wife. If you think that getting married makes you a wife, you are sadly mistaken. It says he is looking for a wife. That means he isn’t just looking for a woman or even a girl. He is searching for a wife. That means the characteristics of a wife should already be seen. He should see the wife inside of the woman. Do you really want to be married? Marriage is a ministry and it takes work to stay happily married. What are you doing to prepare to be a wife? A Proverbs 31 woman is a wife. She know who she is in Christ and understands her Kingdom assignment and her role in the home as a wife. She is confident and know that she is his crown that makes him the king. She knows it’s because of her that her husband is praised in the gates. She knows that she has to cover her household in prayer. She understands that submission is to get (sub) under the vision of her husband and support him and the vision. This is some of the characteristics of a wife. A husband doesn’t want to find a woman who isn’t really happy. Loneliness and lack of fulfillment is not going to attract your husband. He wants to be able to add to your happiness. Your life should look so amazing that he wants to be a part of it and multiply that happiness. Don’t grow weary in the waiting process and don’t compare your life to the next woman. You don’t always know what is really going on in someone’s life. You have to stay excited and keep an expectation. Don’t allow past hurts to cause you not to have a positive expectation. You can’t say you are in faith and not in expectation. You praise God as you live your life in expectation that one day your husband will manifest. If you prayed it already, then he is already here. You just need him to manifest. That is another blog and teaching in it’s own. You have to learn to embrace the process. The process is designed for your benefit. If you despise it, it will be your demise.

So if you are wondering why your husband hasn’t find you yet, ask yourself these questions. Do I really know who I am? Am I pursuing my purpose? Am I prepared to be a wife? Am I a wife?

Which picture attracts you more?

thN7YKULC3 thDRT9GGBL

Dreams Can Become Reality

Tara's Dream. Dream Foundation. Photo: Isaac Hernandez.

As I was sitting watching the old episodes of The Real on YouTube, my telephone rang. It was the Dream Foundation they asked me to fly out in a couple of days to sit in the audience to watch The Real. They had already called to tell me that my dream of meeting Tamar Braxton wasn’t going to take place. However, I was just grateful to sit in the audience where I could see her on my favorite talk show. I had so much opposition that came up to try and stop me from going on this trip. I had less than 24 hours to have someone to accompany me. Everything fell in place and before you knew it I was on the plane headed to L.A. I thank God for Tawanna being able to go with me.  I knew she was the person to go with me. I was excited, but at the same time I was extremely nervous for some reason. This was my first vacation that I really got to go on in 15 years and I was determined to maximize very opportunity on this trip.

It was September 16, 2014, Tuesday morning at 4am. I was so excited about going to see Tamar Braxton from the audience of my favorite talk show, “The Real”! I couldn’t sleep! Could this really be happening? I woke Tawanna up so we could start preparing for the day. I knew that I was supposed to be interviewed by Dream Foundation and to lunch with some of the philanthropists before heading to Warner Brother Studios so that I could be feet away from Tamar Braxton and of course I wanted to see the other ladies as well. After finally choosing my outfit for the day, I nervously got dressed. We went downstairs to meet Tristan and Issac. They both were going to escort us for today. Tristan was the one to interview me and Issac was the photographer and videographer for the day. I instantly fell in love with Tristan’s personality. He was so energetic and full of life. Issac also had a heart of gold. After our initial interview, we went downstairs to meet Curtis my driver for the day. I walked outside the hotel and there was a black stretch limousine. I knew that I was going to enjoy what the rest of the day had in store. We arrived at Olive and Thyme to meet Danny and Lynnette from Dream Foundation. We enjoyed our lunch as we chatted to get to know more about each other. They gave me a heart stone as a gift to remind me about the lunch and the day my dream was to come true.

Tara's Dream. Dream Foundation. Photo: Isaac Hernandez.

Finally we were pulling up to Warner Brother Studios. I was dancing inside and trying to remain calm on the outside. I felt like a kid in a candy store. After checking into the security gate, we pulled up right in front of the studio. We were greeted by a security guard who was asking for me by name. She told me that I would be going to Green Room 1 while waiting for the show to start. We walked into the green room where there was a couch, a couple of wing chairs, a table full of snacks, a refrigerator full of drinks, and a bathroom. I wondered what celebrity had been inside this green-room. The producers met us to let us know the show was starting late and that I was the only audience member that got to wait in a green-room instead of the 110 degree California sun. Every time the door opened my heart jumped. I knew they told me that I wouldn’t get to me Tamar, but a girl could only wish. Once the show was ready to start. We were escorted to the audience to sit on the purple couch, the seats that I secretly wanted to sit. Vincent Herbert walked out and sat with the other producers only 5 feet away from us. The theme song started playing and out walked Adrienne Baillon, Jeannie Mai, Loni Love, Tamera Mowry-Housley, and my girl Tamar Braxton-Herbert!!! I have never been a start struck person. However, I was so hyped to see Tamar and Vince. Tristan and Tawanna both looked at me to see my reaction. During the taping of the show, one of the producers told me that she was trying to arrange a picture with Tamar after the show. I was even more excited. I didn’t believe I had this much emotion behind seeing her in person. After one of the segments, the crew started preparing for another segment. I suddenly grew nervous. I tapped Tawanna and told her that I was extremely nervous. She just smiled and said “You will be okay”.

Tara's Dream. Dream Foundation. Photo: Isaac Hernandez.

They were finally starting the segment. Tamera started talking about Dream Foundation and about a letter sent in to them. Then all I heard was “Tara Middleton we are talking about you. You thought you were going to be in the audience, but girl you are going to be on the show”. I walked on stage, but at the moment I am sure you could see my heart jumping through my blazer. I hugged Tamar for a long time and didn’t let her go. They interviewed me and they surprised me to go window shopping. I was really overwhelmed. Everything seemed surreal. I appreciated all the gifts they gave me, However, the most touching moment for me was when Tamar gave me her very first Chanel bag that she bought when she was 18 years old. I cried at that moment and was in shock that my dream was actually was coming true before my eyes. My dream became my reality. I know it’s only because of God that this happened. Tamar was so sincere and you could tell that she really cared. She is very down to earth and not at all how media makes her appear. She is very humble and was just as elated to meet me as I was to meet her. I will treasure those moments that we shared.

Tara's Dream. Dream Foundation. Photo: Isaac Hernandez.

I have read a lot of negativity in social media about Tamar giving me this bag and why she didn’t pay my medical bills or bought a new bag. I knew she was sincere and that it was done from her heart. She honestly don’t owe me anything. She didn’t have to give me one thing. Yet, she gave me something that was special to her and it was much thought behind the gift. I was happy that she just accepted my dream of allowing me to meet her. Every Thursday I would watch Tamar “Braxton Family Values” or “Tamar and Vince”. It was my time to laugh to tune everything else out and gave me a way to escape what I am battling. This surprise came to me at a time in my life when I needed it the most. I honestly forgot ever gift that was given to me. I was just elated that I got the gist of meeting someone that meant so much to me. I was also happy for the opportunity to let her know how much she has helped me in during my battle. It is amazing the things that God will use to bring a smile on your face or happiness. God used Tamar Braxton-Herbert to encourage me.  Tamar inspired me to continue to fulfill my purpose of helping others discover their purpose.

Tara's Dream. Dream Foundation. Photo: Isaac Hernandez.

I am so thankful to everyone who was involved with helping my dream become my reality. Saying thank you doesn’t seem hardly enough. My life was forever changed through that experience.  Although I was excited about my dream becoming reality, I was really nervous after returning home from the taping of the show. It was the first time that I really shared and opened up about my battling brain cancer. I had been going through so much, and a lot I have had to keep very private. How would people react now that everyone know? I have already dealt with so much negativity about my battle from people ,I wasn’t sure I was ready.  However, I know that everything is purposed and nothing happens by chance. I was assured that this was the time that was set for me to share my story. If one person could be inspired or encouraged, it was worth me sharing. Who would have known that from me watching Braxton Family Values that it would have led me to meet my Tamar Braxton-Herbert and it would allow me to share my battle to encourage someone else in the world? Don’t let go of your dreams! Don’t stop fighting through whatever is that you are facing. Keep going! Keep smiling! Your life has purpose! There is treasure that lies on the inside of you waiting to be discovered. Talents, gifts, and greatness lies within you! Do not leave any treasure undiscovered!

Tara's Dream. Dream Foundation. Photo: Isaac Hernandez.

 

Where is My Boaz?

This time of year seems to be the season of weddings. Everyone seems to be getting married. As a single woman who has been single for years now, I know how this season can be for my single and waiting sisters. I know firsthand how that feeling can be, especially when there aren’t even any prospects. We can be like “God, what is going on? Where is my Boaz?” I know you may be tired of hearing “You have plenty of time! He’s coming!” How many of you have heard this over and over again? Sometimes you are thinking plenty of time for what? These are all things that even a saved single, still gets tired of hearing. Let’s be real! Instead of being encouraging it can often be discouraging or even agitating at times.

Sisters you can’t get anxious and decide to put matters into your own hand. Don’t casually date random guys just so you can have companionship. Don’t just go to dinner with a guy because someone tells you “At least it’s a free dinner!” No that dinner is not free, you are paying for it one way or another. I wouldn’t want to waste my valuable time with a random guy that you know isn’t going to go anywhere. You want the guy that God has just for you. You don’t want to play games with a guy. Don’t just keep him around so if you are bored you will have someone to call or something to do. Get rid of some of those numbers out your phone that you may be tempted to call or text when you get lonely. We don’t like guys playing around with us, and we should do the same in return. I recently saw some videos on Facebook where girls was proposing to their guys. Ladies we should not be getting on our knees to ask a man to marry us. The man God has for you will be the priest, prophet, and protector of your home. He is supposed to be the head and the leader. If he doesn’t ask you to be his wife, he isn’t trying to be your head or lead you anywhere for that matter. Don’t try to make something work just because you are tired of waiting or want him to be the one. Don’t try and flaunt yourself in front of a guy in whom you are interested. I was listening to a famous actress share how she used twitter to get her guy’s attention. Don’t go liking all of a guy’s old pictures from 2002 in order to get him to notice you. Let God be the author of your love story and not yourself. He is the Master of Creation, allow Him to be creative in how He places you with your mate.

Let this season of your life, be where you start working on the things God has designed you or purposed for you to do. Take this time to complete some of your goals. If you don’t know what it is that you are purposed to do, start there. Spend time seeking what you were purposed to do. I was in a serious relationship that I ended because I wanted to know what it was God wanted me to do. I wanted to be able to give God 100% before giving a man a 100% of me. I wanted to see if we had similar visions for our lives. If not, there would eventually be a split in the road somewhere. It has been 12 years since I did that, and yes I’m still waiting for my Boaz. I have had a couple of imposters or people who I thought may have been. I thank God that He is protecting me and preserving me for my husband. I found that during this time of singleness I have been able to serve God in a way, that if I was married I wouldn’t be able to do without certain challenges. Don’t become impatient. It will leave you hurt. Don’t give pieces of your heart to all the random guys that don’t matter. You should give your whole heart to the man God has for you not the pieces left over. Give your heart to God and He will cover and protect it for your mate. He will be worth the wait, God will not disappoint you. Remember anything worth having is worth the wait. Rejoice with your sisters or brothers who has found their mates. Never allow jealousy to set in your heart. Don’t allow society to put the “My biological tock is clicking” thought in your head or your vocabulary! God is in control and He will make sure your Boaz will wake up on time and he won’t oversleep. Meanwhile, make sure you are working out your purpose and getting prepared for the presentation!

 

                    thVZK52ZQD

Are you sharing your gift?

Have you been going through any challenges lately? Do you know anyone going through any challenges? Often times you don’t think about the people going through things in the world you may not now and sometimes not even the people that you may know. I was sitting listening to the young girl who lost her arm due to a shark attack while surfing. Can you imagine the challenges she faced? Being afraid of water, sharks, and surfing? Trying to function with one arm? However, this young girl persevered and faced all of her fears and she is now one of the world’s best surfers. She focused on giving back and helping others in spite of her own struggles. Many people can stand to learn a lesson from this young lady. She overcame more challenges from that one trial that many of you have faced in a lifetime. Sometimes you can be stuck just inside your own world that you fail to see those who could be suffering next to you. I’m working a full time job! I’m married! I have children! I’m busy in ministry! Any of these sound familiar? These are just a few of the things I have heard or been guilty of saying myself at times. Truth remains you make time for the things that you deem important. If you stop for a second and get your eyes off of your problems, maybe you can help someone else with theirs. What if your encouraging words, phone call, errand, finances, or even just a hug could strengthen someone for the journey? What if you were the solution or answer to someone’s problems? Sometimes it only takes a few minutes. One of the ways that I get through my challenges is helping other people. It doesn’t matter what capacity as long as it’s within my power or ability to do. I actually prayed years ago that God made me a solution to a particular class of people in society. I am not perfect and I am not a saint. However, I have learned through my challenge how to be victorious no matter what situation I may be facing .I desire for those around me and others to be to be victorious as well. Stop focusing on your own problems and all the reasons you told yourself you CAN’T help. Focus on what you CAN do! Your problems won’t seem as big when you realize that there are people who may be dealing with much more than you. Have you lost an arm lately? Are you fighting for your life? Are you able to get up and dress yourself? Are you able to walk without assistance? Are you able to go to a job and work? Are you breathing on your own? I am not trying to belittle your trials, but I want you to be grateful for the things you don’t have to fight for day by day. Reach out beyond yourself and help someone else. Everyone has been given some kind of gift or talent. Are you sharing your gift? Gifts are supposed to be shared with others, not just for yourself. Remember treasure lies on the inside of you, do not let it go undiscovered!

th8HP3S6CJ