I Thought He Was My Husband

“God, how can this be happening?” I cried aloud. I was sitting in the airport crying my eyes out because I just found out that the man I was going to marry was planning to propose to another woman. I was completely devastated. In 2002, I ended the longest relationship I had ever been in, so that I could focus on God and what it was He had created me to do. I recommitted myself to God and vowed to remain abstinent until I married the man I was destined to marry. I had no desire for a relationship until I met this guy. We got to know each other and spent a lot of time together. I thought I was ready for a relationship again especially since I heard God tell me that this is the guy I was supposed to marry. I had several people around me who confirmed this for me. God shared  certain things my husband would possess prior to me meeting him. He held many of those qualities. He was everything I thought I wanted and most importantly He had a sincere relationship with God. I never told him I thought I would marry him one day. I just continued to focus on getting to know him and build our relationship. . Well one night, I found out he was spending significant time with another girl who he had planned to ask to be his wife. I was devastated. I started questioning everything I thought I heard God say. I reflected and realized I was even more hurt because I started treating him like a husband already and he only viewed me as an option. He never identified me as his wife. Had I misinterpreted what God spoke to me about him?  Maybe I allowed people to speak to me about who my husband was and wasn’t really listening to God on the matter. I was just so excited about the possibility that I the tuned God out of the equation. I was so embarrassed by the situation that I didn’t even want to face anyone. I wanted to go hide underneath a rock.

As a Christian woman who loves God, I have not always made the right decisions in my life. To be honest, I’m not proud of everything, but it has made me who I am today. I didn’t plan on sharing this until God placed it on my heart a few days ago. Ladies, we have to be careful to not let our emotions cloud our judgment. Often we can think the man in our life is supposed to be the one that we marry without God confirming that. We have to really seek God and know that he is the one God has sent. I considered myself to have a close relationship with God, but I obviously missed it in that area. If a guy wants to marry you and believes he is your husband, he will communicate that in more ways than one way. His actions and his words will line up with His Word. You won’t have to second guess whether it’s the person God has for you. GOD WILL SPEAK TO BOTH OF YOU!!!  I had to accept my part in this as well. I couldn’t blame him entirely because I wanted something so much that I made it something it really wasn’t. You don’t give a man husband treatment when he isn’t on that level yet. It will only cause you hurt and disappointment. In my heart I viewed him as my husband, and I started treating him as such. As woman we are nurturers by nature, but allow God to lead you in EVERYTHING. I didn’t break my abstinence vow to God. I wasn’t trying to go back down a road God already delivered me from. However, in every other way I was acting as someone I wasn’t in his life. I also had to put limits on that relationship. So often we don’t change the parameters of a relationship and think that it won’t affect us. We can’t allow random guys hold significant places in our lives… You don’t have to treat someone like your husband just because you want him to be. You don’t have to give your body to a man to keep him around. You are a rare ruby and God has place treasure on the inside of you. That is what should attract your mate. Don’t occupy space in your life with random men. Put on your running shoes and run from those guys who has been sent as a distraction. Instead, run to God.  Focus on God and allow Him to reveal you to your husband in due time. It is important that you have people in your life that can hold you accountable and with whom you can be transparent. One of the reasons I started Rare Rubies is so that women can have other women that they can share and encourage one another in God. We can uplift each other. Spend time with women who have the same goal. I have friends who go on dates and ask me to call them at a certain time to make sure their date has ended. They know that after a certain time that they are liable to want to do things. You have to be honest about where you are in you walk.  It is possible to live our lives for Christ and not be focused on a relationship that isn’t relevant in your life. I know it’s possible because I’m walking that out in my life currently. It has been 12 years that I am waiting on the husband God has for me, and I refuse to settle or be distracted by any imposters.

If any of you find yourself in that place, don’t be afraid to reach out. You can email me at iamareruby@gmail.com or contact me through https://iamarareruby.com/contact-me/.

Tara Middleton

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3 comments

  1. It’s such a powerful message and very courageous to tell sooo many people about such a devastating time in your life. I see so many girls my age claim that they are in love and I can’t deny that that’s true, but I agree that at this age im pretty positive I haven’t truly became myself. I am not aiming for a 50/50 relationship…I want to give one-hundred and receive one-hundred and when your looking for something that special it doesn’t happen over night. I am also a virgin which I am very proud to say being that I will be 20 in a few months :)!!! I’m proud of the woman I am, however there has been times where I have thought maybe if I changed this or fixed that he would like me more, but I realized that I am perfectly me and if your looking for a temporary girl, you should look else where. I value myself and have extremely high standards which is hard to maintain in college and it is even more complex to tell the guy you are talking to that you are not planning to have sex with him and the deeper you get into a relationship the harder it is to tell them, I said all that to say this thank you for coming into my life over five years ago now and teaching me my self worth and that settling should never be an option. I love you and will support you in all your endeavors!!!M

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