singleness

Hello my friends! I know it has been quite a while and I have been M.I.A. I missed you! I haven’t forgotten about you all out there! So much has happened and I will give you all the updates. I have been also missing in action on my social media platforms as well. Thank you all for the messages, inboxes, and emails asking where I have been. I have read them all. I’m thankful for you and that you look forward to my blogs and posts. It means so much to me. I will be very transparent with you about what has been happening in my world. Everyone knows I am purpose driven. Well maybe some of you. It brings me great joy when I am fulfilling my purpose. I love helping, encouraging, motivating, uplifting, and inspiring. It is second nature to me and I start doing it without even realizing it. Some may get annoyed when I do especially if all they really wanted was to vent. You don’t always want to be encouraged. I get it! Therefore, I have had to learn how not to do that because I am not perfect. I’m still growing and developing. I even had to ask friends and loved ones to let me know before they start that all they want to do is to vent. I can’t always read minds. Lol!

I am the person who naturally wants to say yes to everyone who comes and need me. I will go out of my way to help even if it means changing my schedule or even pushing my body beyond what it needs to do. A friend often tells me I do that to a fault and gets annoyed at me for not making others aware of what I’m dealing or tending to with myself. Well a few months ago, God brought some of these things to the forefront. He told me to rest. I haven’t worked a 9 to 5 since I was diagnosed with brain cancer. I thought I had had too much time of rest, but He showed me that I wasn’t resting at all. I am often told that I am the busiest single person with no full time job they know. I was being pulled on emotionally, spiritually, physically, and other ways too. I was answering every phone call even when I knew that it was going to require more of me. I was carrying so much and I realized I pushed myself to the back burner. I wasn’t taking care of myself. It is important to have people in your circle that loves you enough to check in with you to see how you are doing in spite of the smile on your face and when the smile is gone.
I learned how to push myself and not give so much attention to the things I am going through. God wanted me to address these things. I had to tend to me. He reminded of my call, purpose, and assignment. If I didn’t start tending to me more, I wasn’t going to fulfill my destiny. That was all I had to hear. I want nothing more, but to fulfill my purpose and complete the assignment of my life. I don’t want God not to be able to use me because I am not taking care of myself.

You know when you get on the airplane and they start going through safety procedures. The steward or stewardess tells you in case of emergency, place the oxygen mask on before you help the next person. What good would you be to someone if you died in the middle of helping them? Well, that is the visual I was given. He told me loud and clear “Tara, put the oxygen mask on you first.” I had to take a break for God to pour into me. I had to tend to some matters of the heart and making sure I was really healed and healing. I had to learn how to really rest and how to be okay with saying NO. He told me “Saying YES to everyone is sometimes saying NO to you”. That is a SELAH! Just think about that statement. We often say yes to everyone except ourselves. People don’t always realize when they are pulling on you nor do they realize that they aren’t the only person doing so. I have learned to say yes to Tara more and how to allow God to take care of me in every area. I learned how to protect my peace more and stay in my “happy place”. I was also spending too much time on my phone and social media without even realizing I was scrolling. Some of us can’t even go a church service without accessing Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter. I am not referring to sharing the message or broadcasting. We spend all day doing that and give God the crumbs of our time. Yet, we want Him to fulfill our every desire. That is another topic for another day. With all that being said, I’m ready now more than ever to fulfill the things that my hands has been assigned to accomplish! I’M BACK

♥ Tara S. Middleton

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Why Am I Not Married?

 

Many women are waiting on their spouses. Some of them have become weary in the process. I am seeing it everywhere I go. Usually women that are already married pass on the advice “He’s coming, just be patient and content.” You also hear “As soon as I became content, that is when my husband came to me” Now the intentions may definitely be to encourage and came from a good heart. Truth is that it’s not always encouraging and can tend to have the opposite effect. Sometimes after being married, women may not always remember what it was like when the shoe was on the other foot. I will be honest. They really feel like you are going home and getting in bed to sleep next to your man, so you it is easy for you to say “Just be content, he is coming”. Lack of transparency is missing sometimes in these situations. Now hear me correctly, I’m not saying we should just go tell our business to everyone. You have to be led and know to whom you are speaking. They need to hear how it was not the easiest process for you and what you did to really make it through. Single women have been told so much about being content in their singleness and their husband will come. Content is a state of peaceful happiness. However, the wrong Idea has been put into these women about being content. Content doesn’t mean that you no longer have the desire for marriage. God will not give you a desire for marriage and then tell you it’s wrong to have the desire. Psalms 108:8 “God will perfect those things that concerns you” If you have a concern about wanting to be married, then God is concerned about it as well. He will perfect the things that concerns you. If you aren’t married yet, it doesn’t mean that God doesn’t care about you being married. He wants to have your heart first. He wants to be more than enough for you. He is a jealous God. He loves you so much that He wants your attention first and He wants to be the one to make you smile and happy. That is the heart of God. Women also say “I’m lonely, and I feel alone.” Well marriage isn’t the answer to being alone. You have women who are married and they still feel alone in a marriage. Marriage isn’t the ultimate goal. You get married and now what? There is more in life to achieve.

I have been single and in waiting for almost 15 years now. I have gotten to a place where it doesn’t affect me greatly any more. Now at one time it wasn’t the easiest process when I had every one of my friends getting married around me and some of those friendships changed of course because their spouses are number one priority. I truly had to celebrate with them and then during my time with God I praised for my husband. However, I was in a relationship and I was in love and he was in love with me. I knew marriage was an option for us and it was the next steps we were going to take. One day he was telling me how much he loved me and that he couldn’t wait to have all of me. We were on a family vacation, but when I got home back in my apartment at college, I immediately fell to my knees. Bags weren’t unpacked or anything. I prayed and said “God, I’m sorry. How can I give this man all of me and I haven’t given you all of me? I don’t really know who I am in You. I know you called me into ministry, but I don’t’ know anything about my assignment” I went on a fast immediately and was led to end the relationship. It was one of the hardest things I had to do because he treated me like a queen. I couldn’t find anything wrong with him to make me more comfortable with the decision. I knew that I needed to dedicate a 100% of myself to God and discover my purpose in Him. That is why one of the things I stress through Rare Rubies is for women to know who you are in Him before you allow someone to pursue you in a relationship. If I married that man like I was, I would have wrecked his life. I wasn’t fit to be anyone’s wife. I fasted for almost 9 months. I was in the Word at least 12 hours a day and in prayer sometimes for 24 hours. I was determined to know my purpose and to be prepared for the work God has called me to do. I am not saying that you should lock yourself in a room for 24 hours like I did at times to pray and study to find your purpose. My only reason for mentioning that is to show you how determined I was to find out my assignment. You can’t find out your purpose without going to the one who created you. He is the only one that will fill the void that you have if you are lonely. Listen that is not just for the single women, but it is for the engaged and married woman. Your husband should complement you not complete you. I do understand that sometimes women don’t really mean complete, but you have to be careful what you say. You may understand what you are saying, but the next woman may not. We have to be our sister’s keeper.

I also I took the time and allowed God to show me how to be wife. One of the things that God had me to do was to get up every morning while it was still dark to pray for my husband, who had not found me yet, before his day starts. Yes, I thought God was crazy at first and me to for listening. However, that wasn’t just for my husband, but it was to build me as well. Fourteen years later, I still do that. Its’s not just out of obedience, but it’s because I love Him. Proverbs 18:22 “He that finds a wife, finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord”. Many woman think that being married is going to transform them into a wife. If you think that getting married makes you a wife, you are sadly mistaken. It says he is looking for a wife. That means he isn’t just looking for a woman or even a girl. He is searching for a wife. That means the characteristics of a wife should already be seen. He should see the wife inside of the woman. Do you really want to be married? Marriage is a ministry and it takes work to stay happily married. What are you doing to prepare to be a wife? A Proverbs 31 woman is a wife. She know who she is in Christ and understands her Kingdom assignment and her role in the home as a wife. She is confident and know that she is his crown that makes him the king. She knows it’s because of her that her husband is praised in the gates. She knows that she has to cover her household in prayer. She understands that submission is to get (sub) under the vision of her husband and support him and the vision. This is some of the characteristics of a wife. A husband doesn’t want to find a woman who isn’t really happy. Loneliness and lack of fulfillment is not going to attract your husband. He wants to be able to add to your happiness. Your life should look so amazing that he wants to be a part of it and multiply that happiness. Don’t grow weary in the waiting process and don’t compare your life to the next woman. You don’t always know what is really going on in someone’s life. You have to stay excited and keep an expectation. Don’t allow past hurts to cause you not to have a positive expectation. You can’t say you are in faith and not in expectation. You praise God as you live your life in expectation that one day your husband will manifest. If you prayed it already, then he is already here. You just need him to manifest. That is another blog and teaching in it’s own. You have to learn to embrace the process. The process is designed for your benefit. If you despise it, it will be your demise.

So if you are wondering why your husband hasn’t find you yet, ask yourself these questions. Do I really know who I am? Am I pursuing my purpose? Am I prepared to be a wife? Am I a wife?

Which picture attracts you more?

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Where is My Boaz?

This time of year seems to be the season of weddings. Everyone seems to be getting married. As a single woman who has been single for years now, I know how this season can be for my single and waiting sisters. I know firsthand how that feeling can be, especially when there aren’t even any prospects. We can be like “God, what is going on? Where is my Boaz?” I know you may be tired of hearing “You have plenty of time! He’s coming!” How many of you have heard this over and over again? Sometimes you are thinking plenty of time for what? These are all things that even a saved single, still gets tired of hearing. Let’s be real! Instead of being encouraging it can often be discouraging or even agitating at times.

Sisters you can’t get anxious and decide to put matters into your own hand. Don’t casually date random guys just so you can have companionship. Don’t just go to dinner with a guy because someone tells you “At least it’s a free dinner!” No that dinner is not free, you are paying for it one way or another. I wouldn’t want to waste my valuable time with a random guy that you know isn’t going to go anywhere. You want the guy that God has just for you. You don’t want to play games with a guy. Don’t just keep him around so if you are bored you will have someone to call or something to do. Get rid of some of those numbers out your phone that you may be tempted to call or text when you get lonely. We don’t like guys playing around with us, and we should do the same in return. I recently saw some videos on Facebook where girls was proposing to their guys. Ladies we should not be getting on our knees to ask a man to marry us. The man God has for you will be the priest, prophet, and protector of your home. He is supposed to be the head and the leader. If he doesn’t ask you to be his wife, he isn’t trying to be your head or lead you anywhere for that matter. Don’t try to make something work just because you are tired of waiting or want him to be the one. Don’t try and flaunt yourself in front of a guy in whom you are interested. I was listening to a famous actress share how she used twitter to get her guy’s attention. Don’t go liking all of a guy’s old pictures from 2002 in order to get him to notice you. Let God be the author of your love story and not yourself. He is the Master of Creation, allow Him to be creative in how He places you with your mate.

Let this season of your life, be where you start working on the things God has designed you or purposed for you to do. Take this time to complete some of your goals. If you don’t know what it is that you are purposed to do, start there. Spend time seeking what you were purposed to do. I was in a serious relationship that I ended because I wanted to know what it was God wanted me to do. I wanted to be able to give God 100% before giving a man a 100% of me. I wanted to see if we had similar visions for our lives. If not, there would eventually be a split in the road somewhere. It has been 12 years since I did that, and yes I’m still waiting for my Boaz. I have had a couple of imposters or people who I thought may have been. I thank God that He is protecting me and preserving me for my husband. I found that during this time of singleness I have been able to serve God in a way, that if I was married I wouldn’t be able to do without certain challenges. Don’t become impatient. It will leave you hurt. Don’t give pieces of your heart to all the random guys that don’t matter. You should give your whole heart to the man God has for you not the pieces left over. Give your heart to God and He will cover and protect it for your mate. He will be worth the wait, God will not disappoint you. Remember anything worth having is worth the wait. Rejoice with your sisters or brothers who has found their mates. Never allow jealousy to set in your heart. Don’t allow society to put the “My biological tock is clicking” thought in your head or your vocabulary! God is in control and He will make sure your Boaz will wake up on time and he won’t oversleep. Meanwhile, make sure you are working out your purpose and getting prepared for the presentation!

 

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