Hello my friends! I know it has been quite a while and I have been M.I.A. I missed you! I haven’t forgotten about you all out there! So much has happened and I will give you all the updates. I have been also missing in action on my social media platforms as well. Thank you all for the messages, inboxes, and emails asking where I have been. I have read them all. I’m thankful for you and that you look forward to my blogs and posts. It means so much to me. I will be very transparent with you about what has been happening in my world. Everyone knows I am purpose driven. Well maybe some of you. It brings me great joy when I am fulfilling my purpose. I love helping, encouraging, motivating, uplifting, and inspiring. It is second nature to me and I start doing it without even realizing it. Some may get annoyed when I do especially if all they really wanted was to vent. You don’t always want to be encouraged. I get it! Therefore, I have had to learn how not to do that because I am not perfect. I’m still growing and developing. I even had to ask friends and loved ones to let me know before they start that all they want to do is to vent. I can’t always read minds. Lol!
I am the person who naturally wants to say yes to everyone who comes and need me. I will go out of my way to help even if it means changing my schedule or even pushing my body beyond what it needs to do. A friend often tells me I do that to a fault and gets annoyed at me for not making others aware of what I’m dealing or tending to with myself. Well a few months ago, God brought some of these things to the forefront. He told me to rest. I haven’t worked a 9 to 5 since I was diagnosed with brain cancer. I thought I had had too much time of rest, but He showed me that I wasn’t resting at all. I am often told that I am the busiest single person with no full time job they know. I was being pulled on emotionally, spiritually, physically, and other ways too. I was answering every phone call even when I knew that it was going to require more of me. I was carrying so much and I realized I pushed myself to the back burner. I wasn’t taking care of myself. It is important to have people in your circle that loves you enough to check in with you to see how you are doing in spite of the smile on your face and when the smile is gone.
I learned how to push myself and not give so much attention to the things I am going through. God wanted me to address these things. I had to tend to me. He reminded of my call, purpose, and assignment. If I didn’t start tending to me more, I wasn’t going to fulfill my destiny. That was all I had to hear. I want nothing more, but to fulfill my purpose and complete the assignment of my life. I don’t want God not to be able to use me because I am not taking care of myself.
You know when you get on the airplane and they start going through safety procedures. The steward or stewardess tells you in case of emergency, place the oxygen mask on before you help the next person. What good would you be to someone if you died in the middle of helping them? Well, that is the visual I was given. He told me loud and clear “Tara, put the oxygen mask on you first.” I had to take a break for God to pour into me. I had to tend to some matters of the heart and making sure I was really healed and healing. I had to learn how to really rest and how to be okay with saying NO. He told me “Saying YES to everyone is sometimes saying NO to you”. That is a SELAH! Just think about that statement. We often say yes to everyone except ourselves. People don’t always realize when they are pulling on you nor do they realize that they aren’t the only person doing so. I have learned to say yes to Tara more and how to allow God to take care of me in every area. I learned how to protect my peace more and stay in my “happy place”. I was also spending too much time on my phone and social media without even realizing I was scrolling. Some of us can’t even go a church service without accessing Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter. I am not referring to sharing the message or broadcasting. We spend all day doing that and give God the crumbs of our time. Yet, we want Him to fulfill our every desire. That is another topic for another day. With all that being said, I’m ready now more than ever to fulfill the things that my hands has been assigned to accomplish! I’M BACK
There is something special about having people or someone in your life that seriously understand and get you. It creates a place that you have the safety and security of just being you. There’s a horrible feeling that lingers when you can’t be you. You can feel restricted like a bird whose wings were clipped. Everyone doesn’t have that, but it doesn’t mean that you will never get it. The first place that you will experience this is with God. It’s within this relationship, that you will experience this freedom. There is no greater feeling in this world when you know that you have someone that loves you unconditionally. God intends for all of us to have this kind of love with Him. It is the relationship with Him that you will have the freedom to be you in other relationships. He desires to be your First Love. He will show you also how to be that person for others as well. Without His love, we don’t truly love unconditionally. We love with conditions, and we have limits on our love.
Let me encourage you! God will bring the person in your life that really “sees” you. They will see past the man or woman who people think has it all together. They will see beyond the tower of strength. They will see the one who has insecurities. They not only see your strength but also your weaknesses. They will see you striving to be who you were created to be before the foundation of the earth. They will see the one who needs to be encouraged at times. They will see beyond the tears that run like the Nile River and through the smile that brightens the room. They will see further than the laughs or jokes and see the pain that lies within your eyes. They will see you in your most vulnerable moment, and allow you to be open.
They will see you when you are a hot mess. They will see you when you are falling apart and can’t seem to get it together. They will see the one who needs a shoulder to lean and support for your back. They will see the walls you have built with bricks of disappointment, hurt, and rejection. They will see who you were, who you are now, and the person you are in the process of becoming. They will envision you as God sees you as the prince and princess you are. They will truly behold your heart. They will behold the essence of your beauty that goes far deeper than the surface of your skin. They will see who you are like you stand before God….WHOLE, NAKED, and UNASHAMED. And even after seeing your strengths, weaknesses, and flaws, they will not only love all of you without judgement. They will even like you. You won’t be too much for them or not enough. He is bringing people in your path who sees you and still chooses you. They will simply “see” you and you can simply be you!
Look in the mirror and behold the one who was created with a purpose. Ask God to show you yourself, through His eyes! Love and accept the image before! So, when that person or people come, you won’t be afraid to let them see you.
Communication and unmet expectations is one of the major issues in all relationships. You can share your heart with individuals over and over. Until a person realizes and identifies the issue, they will not change. Sometimes we expect to receive love from people who don’t have the capacity in their heart to love you. Or it could be that they aren’t willing to make room in their heart for you. So, it takes you to understand whether a person has the ABILITY or WILLINGNESS to love you. Then you must adjust your perspective, love, and accept them for who they are today. If you don’t you will be hurt and disappointed repeatedly because of expectations not being met. Love is a choice. We choose to love or not to love the people in our lives. All relationships require give and take. Both people must pour into the relationship. Boundaries may have to be placed so that you won’t end up in a deficit. You teach people how to love you. If you keep accepting anything, you are saying it’s okay. Don’t be afraid to communicate what you need in relationships. Sometimes we make people feel wrong for communicating their needs. Don’t allow anyone to make you feel bad for sharing how you feel. Gary Chapman author of one of my favorite books identify our love languages (the way we communicate care and love) as the following:
Words of affirmation
Acts of service
Everyone communicate love differently. It is insane for us to think that everyone loves the same way. I know that each person in my life have different needs in relationships. So, I try my best to communicate with them in their languages and meet their needs in our relationships. Just like if you have children. Each of your children will have different needs. Therefore, you communicate your love with them in the way they require. However, often we try to love everyone in our lives the same way or maybe we don’t even consider the certain relationships beyond a certain scope. All relationships take work and effort. You don’t get in your car or live in your house without paying attention to it to see if it needs maintenance. You know that your car requires gas and oil. Relationships require maintenance. If you have a relationship that is important to you, be sure that you check in from time to time. There may be some relationships change over time. As we grow, our needs may change. I recently noticed that my love language changed. After growth in some areas of my life, I realized that my main two love languages aren’t the same anymore. I never thought that those would now be different. Evaluate and check in with your loved ones from time to time. You should be comfortable expressing your needs in relationships. If a person makes you feel bad for that, they may not be willing to put in the work. Could it be that what you are expressing could reflect something they aren’t ready to address?
Romans 12:10 Amplified Bible (AMP)
10 Be devoted to one another with [authentic] brotherly affection [as members of one family], give preference to one another in honor;